Random Thoughts on Life, Love, and Drunk People

It is Sunday again. How did that happen? Where does the time go?! Which actually that reminds of a paper I wrote on the illusion of time for an English class in college and now I’m probably going to think about that again for like 4 hours……. I’ll try not to get into it here, because you probably don’t care. :-P

Random Thoughts of the Week:

  1. Why, just WHY, must some websites INSIST on sending you a confirmation email when you unsubscribe from whatever nonsense emails they keep sending you. Like I am literally telling you that your emails as pissing me off, and yet they have the audacity to send me that ONE FINAL EMAIL just to prove that they are better than me?!?!?! I don’t why this bothers me so much, probably no one else even thinks about this, but I’ve decided it is a cruel trick to play to show that really, even though you think you have defeated them, they have won the war. Jerks
  2. Just please take a moment to look at these tiny baby goats and then cry because I want one so badly

    TINY BABY GOATS!

    TINY BABY GOATS!

  3. It is a little bit absurd what people will complain about. Like ok, yes I just complained about the email thing, but like that isn’t something I would go out of my way to email someone about or call and complain, because I have the common sense to realize that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter. But I’ve talked to several people recently who work in customer service, and being a customer service vet myself, and it is actually laughable what people will call and complain about! And what they expect you to do to make them happy! “Wow, I’m so sorry ma’am that you had to wait in line for 10 minutes, that must have been really tough, but if that was literally the worst part of your day, I’d say you are doing pretty well.” I recently was talking with the box office manager of a big local theater and she said that over the winter, someone called for a refund for their ticket to an event, that raises money for childhood cancer research, because it was snowing and it wasn’t his fault “the **explative** kids had cancer.” Seriously? Really? That is appalling. — > Sorry, that got way more intense and serious than I had planned… awk.
  4. Drunk people will give you all of their money if you ask and smile nicely. And then they will forget they gave you any money and give you more. Excellent. So if anyone needs to do some fundraising, go someplace where the people are pretty drunk. Haha

And those are all the thoughts in my head. Probably. Or at least the only ones I can remember…. Sad times, when you are so old you don’t even remember your own thoughts. Even though the mall police still card me because I look younger than 18…..My life is just really rough

17 Things People Born In The Late 80s Are Currently Experiencing

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

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1. The troubling realization that you can in fact accomplish anything in life, if only you could figure out exactly what it is that you want to do. It feels as if you had a menu in hand and anxiously, hungrily waited for 20-something years, then when the universe came over to take your order, you didn’t have the slightest clue what you want.

2. Your high school reunion isn’t far away and you’re not quite sure where those ten years went. Maybe in 2-3 years or so, when it actually happens it’ll actually feel like a decade ago, but right now? Not even close.

3. This is a complex stretch of life because when it comes to big screw-ups, you aren’t young enough for youth to be an acceptable excuse but you also don’t necessarily feel like a full-fledged, sufficiently…

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Fitness Funk…..

I’ve always said this blog has no theme, which is very clearly true if you look at anything I’ve ever written on here. However, a theme in my life for the past several years (with particular emphasis on the last year and a half) has been getting healthy. And I need some advice so this is what is happening today.

I was always an active child, I played sports, did outdoorsy things whatever. In college I did my best to keep it up and went to the gym as often as I could and participated in intramurals. So that was ok for a while, but I found that without some form of outside structure (like being a part of a team) I constantly was having to FORCE myself to get off my couch. Being active wasn’t fun anymore. And so my senior year of college I just stopped going to the gym because I told myself it was too hard. That combined with my complete inability to cook lead to a lot of take-out and a lot of lazy. I thought that was ok, but I wasn’t happy. I can’t look at my graduation pictures without cringing because I just was so unhealthy and unhappy.

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(please ignore the poor image qaulity and the fact that the black dress is way way too short!!! boo)

So I’ve been trying to change that! FINALLY last October I joined a gym, got a personal trainer, and decided to get serious about being healthy. As much as I would love to eat ice cream all day everyday, that probably isn’t the smartest decision. Since then it’s been really hard, I will not sugarcoat that at all. When I first get back to the gym I’m all motivated and excited and it feels great, but I have now reached the 6 month mark and I’m #overit again. I’ve tried taking new classes, joining a rec soccer team, going on walks in interesting places, but I’ve lost my motivation again. Even on the most beautiful day sometimes I’ll just sit inside instead of going for a quick walk, even though I know for a fact that I always feel better after exercise and eating well. I know that losing motivation to get healthy is fairly common, and I’m wondering if anyone has any out of the box suggestions to get me going again???!?!!? What can I do to make the “healthy lifestyle” more exciting so that I start doing all those good things again? Thoughts? Criticisms? Motivational Speeches? A VISIT FROM BOB HARPER AND JILLIAN MICHAELS AND DOLVETT QUINCE PERHAPS? (pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease) haha

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Hope y’all are enjoying some beautiful weather!

I’d rather be happy

If you know anything about me at all, you know that I am ridiculously obsessed with free stuff. I spend hours researching free activities, entering contests, trying to get free money, etc., etc., so the following might seem a BIT out of character. Do not be too alarmed. (I still like free stuff don’t worry).

This is something that I have always kind of lived by, but today it really like hit me in the face for absolutely no discernible reason. Another contradiction that I am a walking example of is that I like to do new things, try and have unique experiences and take advantage of what I can do while I can! Of course at the same time, I’m like terrified of trying new things, but in the end, to me the experience is always worth it.

So what hit me today was that I would rather be happy than “rich.” Ok I know that sounds cliche and stupid. So let me explain. This week I spent $70.00 at bookstores. Some people may think that is absurd when I already have a zillion books and the pile of “to-read” books is getting taller than I am, but finding a book, picking it up and imagining the possibilities within it? That’s thrilling to me! Finding really random kitchy things that I don’t really need or something I find really funny, I love that. I want to buy all of it. I don’t care if other people think it’s a waste of money or if people think I’m crazy, it’s something that really makes me happy.

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True Story

I feel the same way about spending a little extra money to go do something that I know I truly enjoy. Or to try something I’ve always wanted to do. I know that pretty much everyone else does not share this opinion. Especially as someone in their mid-twenties, the main focus for so many people my age is money. And I totally understand, I know that I have to (and I do) save money for school and for bills and for rent and for becoming a “real adult.” And it might seem irresponsible for me to write this, especially since I work 3 fake jobs and make very little money, but I save almost all of it so why shouldn’t I spend a little more to do things that make me happy. Would I like to have a good job and a really solid savings account and enough money to be a “real adult”? Absolutely, I’d love that! But that isn’t my reality right now, so while I can I want to try new things. I want to go out for a fancy dinner or go to a play or try  a random kayaking adventure.

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So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past several years, well really ever since high school. Unfortunately I remain alone in this venture, because my friends are sensible real adults who have real lives to worry about! So I’m awkward loner in the corner at a random event, or literally the only person who goes to like a Paint/Drink place alone, but I enjoy it. I don’t like blow all my money on some crazy vacation that I’ll never be able to pay off or something like that, but I will spend a little more if I know that even for just a few hours, I will get to enjoy my life. I may never be a rich woman, but I won’t regret doing what makes me happy.

Happy Weekend!

What You’ve Missed

Ok, yeah. My last post was in March, so lets all just give me an A+ on that….But when you see what you have missed out on this past month and a half, oh boy will you understand.

Things that have happened in my extremely riveting life since March 21, 2014:

1. I wrote myself some super encouraging notes to get myself to actually DO MY SCHOOL WORK

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This is what it has come to

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Some scare tactics…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. I became best friends with a horse because I feel he is the only one who truly understands me.

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Please Note the “I’m Grumpy, Please do NOT pet me sign”

3. I achieved a life goal and saw Idina Menzel live on Broadway and I cried when she came out. And I also almost attacked Anthony Rapp. Casual.

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SO GOOD. The entire cast was fantastic but ohmygod Idina Menzel is a goddess!

4. I read a lot of books, I watched a lot of Netflix.

And that’s it! Can you believe it? Like WOAHHHH slow down there Kelly don’t push yourself too hard there!

Aren’t we all glad now I didn’t write anything? Yes. I wish I could say that in a flash my life will become exponentially more exciting but that is obviously false. If anyone has any ideas for fun secret missions or FREE adventures, please let me know. I love free things and secret missions. And there just has not been enough of that in my life recently.

Forever avoiding the real world, Kelly.

I just really enjoy leaving notes

I really like writing notes to people. And to myself actually… (weird). I actually wrote myself a note today in my car, giving myself an A+ for putting my jeans in the laundry while completely forgetting that a mere 10 minutes earlier I had just placed this weeks babysitting money in the back pocket. Sigh. I am particularly fond of a well placed Post – It full of wit and snark as a (hopefully pleasant?) little surprise for someone. And perhaps they do not understand the genius that is in the note, but I think I’m hilarious so who cares.

I thought of this because I am CONSTANTLY leaving notes for my parents reminding them that we STILL DO HAVE AN ANSWERING MACHINE and in the .05% chance that a non-telemarketer has called and left an important/relevant message, maybe they should umm take a listen. This is actually a fairly involved process. I’m the only one who ever checks the answering machine, because as noted above, no one seems to remember that we have that. So I hear all the messages meant for my parents and then I promptly start the process of hoping that sometime in the next 24 – 48 hours one of them figures out there is a message on the answering machine. It takes about four neon Post It’s on the ACTUAL phone/answering machine, and several leading arrows or reminders that will point them to the note covered phone which MAYBE they will read and perhaps understand a message is on the machine.

But I don’t leave normal message notes. I don’t say who called, or what there number is or really anything relevant at all. This is the  note I just left for my father:

FATHER: A person has called. They want to talk to you. BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING

please remember that your decreased work ethic is the reason

we may soon be living off food stamps and under a bridge somewhere.

If you need an agent for negotiation I am available. 

You may notice this note gives pretty much no useful information. But I love it. I think it’s great, and if he ever finds his way to the phone to listen to that message, I will just laugh alone at myself and my brilliance that no one else understands. This is probably part of the reason people think I’m insane……….

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Thank you Schuyler for posting this on facebook because it is actually my life :-) Completely Accurate

*If you would like a witty note left for you inquiries are welcome. However do not expect anything even close to sappy-silly-nonsense. I prefer a more sarcastic route….

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My Interpretation of the Oscars (roughly to completely inaccurate)

Ok, I love a good awards show. What I love even more is watching said awards show while simultaneously being on twitter and laughing at what everyone says to like every single minute detail of the event. I have a lot of fun by myself. It’s cool.

So anyway, I also had my own thoughts on ‘Hollywood’s Biggest Night’ as I’m sure practically every person did. But I’m mostly sure that all of MY thoughts were really wrong.

Things I thought/believe about the Oscars last night:

  1. They are PLAYING HARRY POTTER MUSIC and it is the best moment of my entire life! Hey and that’s Mary Poppins “Lets Go Fly a Kite” !!! Is there an Oscar for best background/fade to commercial music??? (there should be, because A+)
  2. Jennifer Lawrence is great and seems to fall over as randomly as I do so I feel like we should probably talk about that.
  3. Frank Underwood is at the Oscars!!!!!!! oh my god is he going to kill anyone!??!! Wait, why isn’t he talking normally anymore? Who is this other person who looks like Frank? Please go away, I want Frank back (unless he is going to kill me…..)
  4. Is Idina Menzel going to sing yet? Is she? Is she? IS SHE? WHY ISN’T SHE SINGING YET I CAN’T GO TO BED UNTIL SHE SINGS.
  5. Well, clearly John Travolta is a huge Broadway fan. (this one is probably accurate though….)
  6. I think all the people should win!
  7. OK hold on. Alfonso Cuaron directed HP numero tres, and HE just won an Oscar…….WHICH MEANS HARRY POTTER JUST WON AN OSCAR. (not even a little true)
  8. I bet Kristen Bell kind of regrets that she brought a burrito in her clutch cause she could have gotten free pizza…….(but it’s still really cool she brought a burrito)
  9. And finally, 12 Years a Slave just won an Oscar. That is the story of a man who lived in Saratoga. Which is practically where I live. Which means we are basically neighbors (despite the part where he is dead). So therefore based on logic the 518 won the WHOLE OSCARS. (nope, not accurate).

And that is how I feel about the Oscars.

Happy Monday Almost Being Over.

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please be the weekend, please be the weekend, please be the weekend.

So this is my brain. Beware.

Questions That I Think About on a Daily Basis (most of which are completely impossible)

  1. How absolutely amazing will it be when (notice I say when, not if….#delusional) I get two baby otters as pets and then they are best friends and we are all best friends together and I just sit and play with them and watch them and cry all day?!?!??!!?

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    Is this not the most precious thing in the entire world? I am seriously getting one. or 100.

  2. What if that thing happens like in that book that I can never remember the name of that we read in school 9 million years ago and all the adults (real adults, I’m still a fake adult so I’d be good) randomly disappear and then children are ruling the world? Like I would definitely not survive. I would probably be one of the first to go right? Definitely.
  3. Can I marry my dog?

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    Pretty Please?

  4. Where can I get free money?
  5.  Is there anything I can get today for free?
  6. Ok so if I can’t MARRY Sherlock, can he definitely be my best man/ring bearer/everything ever?
  7. Seriously what happened to my Hogwarts letter 14 years ago? (I have a theory but I need the truth)
  8. Why has no one revoked my speaking privileges yet? Because I really should not be allowed to talk to people. Or be in public for that matter. It’s for your own good believe me…..

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    seriously, don’t let me talk to people.

  9. WHEN IS THE NEXT TIME I CAN EAT APPLE CIDER DONUTS UNTIL I EXPLODE?
  10. Why have we not invented things that I think are way more important than whatever they are inventing now? Like time machines! And flying cars! Weren’t we like promised to have those by now? Rude. Where’s my Apple iCar or something?
  11. How on earth am I related to these people? Also do I have relatives? Who knows. haha

And that is what I spend my days doing. Thinking about really irrelevant things that make absolutely no sense or are just in no way helpful at attempting to move forward in life.

Also, I’m officially 25 now, which means I’m basically 30 which is practically the same as 40 and I’m basically dead already. Sheesh.

I am far too involved in not real life….

…..and that is seriously true to probably an unhealthy extent. haha

What I mean by “not real life” is basically TV/movies/BOOKS. Of course there are other forms of not real life, like ‘Fantasy Football’ or those weird video game cults or whatever where boys spend 19 hours a day playing video games. And I think that in all of these fantastical lives we lead separate from ourselves, most people tend to fall into the category that I am in. Far too committed for something that is actually not real life.

So like for example my last post was about books because books are the best ever and I love all the books. I’ve been reading some really excellent books recently and I find myself being seriously emotionally affected by the book I’m reading. So I just finished The Dinner by Herman Koch (another thriller/mystery….I’m really on that train these days!) and after I would read a certain section and have to stop for whatever “real life” thing I was being forced to attend to, I would still be thinking about the book. I was thinking about the characters, I was angry at of them for something they did and I was feeling like I needed to protect this other character…..things of that nature. THESE PEOPLE AREN’T REAL KELLY. But I apparently can NOT separate fiction from reality.

The same goes for TV shows. I just finished House of Cards (which seriously watch that it is so good) and oh my god I felt all those things being thrown viciously at the characters as if they were being thrown at me! So and so just revealed this huge secret about character x? WHAT AM I, Kelly in the real world, GOING TO DO TO TRY AND RECTIFY THIS SITUATION. This is what goes through my head. It’s weird, but I think most people kinda get that way? Correct me if I’m horribly wrong and this is just a personal problem that I should save for sometime when I’m laying on a couch being psychoanalyzed. It is so interesting to me though how we can fall so deeply into this other reality! I want to study this. Can the study involve me just watching Netflix all day and reading all the books ever and wearing my homeless clothes? Ok good, study is on then.

One last thought about this, that I think may prove to be an early sign of sociopathic tendencies (uh oh) is that on a lot of shows I’ve been watching recently there is a clear “bad guy” who you like at first but then over time you are all “Oh. Wow. This person is terrible. There are just secretly pretending they are a good person.” The best example I can think of would be Walter White in Breaking Bad. He starts off this dorky innocent dying teacher and becomes a murderous drug lord. So yeah, I should probably hate him. BUT NO. I keep finding myself STILL feeling sympathy for him. “He did all of it for his family!” “He was protecting Jesse until the very end!” Why do I still like the bad guys so much? I still believe in them! I still believe they are inherently good! But how can I say that as I watch a character push another person in front of a train? Somehow, in my brain, I’m thinking “That was truly awful, but maybe he had to?” What is wrong with me?

So if in 15 years I’m on the news for being a psycho/crazed lunatic, perhaps show them this. I feel like this can’t be a good sign….

Anyone else feel any love for the bad guys? My guess is no. haha

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I want this.

If you don’t like books don’t read this

…..and also you are practically dead to me. But regardless, the following is a list of books I’ve read recently/within the past year that I absolutely recommend to anyone who likes to read. And I do this only because I love sharing wonderfulness I find in books/movies with the world!! Also now next time someone asks me for a book suggestion they may refer to this list! Soooo here are some books for a snow day like today, books I believe that we should be required to read AS HUMAN BEINGS.

1. Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

yes Gone Girl was the one that got all the hype (and I did like that book quite a bit too!) but I don’t think nearly enough credit has gone to her two earlier novels. Dark Places is my favorite. I find it more mysterious and thrilling, scary and captivating than Gone Girl. Definitely not a “beach read” but an excellent psychological thriller.

2. Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline

I honestly did not know about this part of history and it is horribly fascinating and makes for a damn good book. A very nice combination of historical fiction and the present foster family system.

3. Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh

Do you like dogs? Do you like to laugh out loud? Do you miss the days of picture books? This book is for you.

4. January First by Michael Schofield

A  definite must for anyone interested in mental illness, it is written by the father of an 8 year old girl with schizophrenia. Fascinating! You may have seen them on a special on Discovery Health/TLC/other channels “Born Schizophrenic.”

5. The Glass Castle  by Jeanette Walls

So interesting! If you think your childhood was difficult, read this and then be really thankful that you did not have her childhood. I am amazed that the author and her siblings made themselves into something out of literally nothing. I really don’t think I would have been so strong. The tenacity of children is quite remarkable.

6. The Night Circus  by Erin Morgenstern

My only advice would be that if you choose to listen to this on audiobook, DO NOT under any circumstances, start this when you are alone at night because Track 1 slash the entire little intro section is just the creepiest music ever and it probably should not have been the last thing I heard before I went to bed that night. Just saying. Other than that, excellent :-) I want to go to The Night Circus, I’m going to believe in it’s magic and that it’s still out there…..

7. Fellow Mortals by Dennis Mahoney

When I read the back cover all I really saw was that it was about a postal worker or something and I was like umm sounds weird but I was going to read it for a book club because the author is actually from my area so yeah. ANYWAY. Point is, it is WAY more than a book about a postal worker. It is a story of love and loss and trying to make up for ones mistakes. And while it is primarily from the point of view of the mailman, I love that the author also includes everyone else that was affected, even the dog. And not in a cheesy stupid ‘oh the dog is talking now’ kind of way. Very well done.

8. Once We Were Brothers by Ronald H. Balson

There is really nothing I can say, that will do this book any justice. I will say (and this is absolutely true, not an exaggeration) I was physically unable to put this book down. The one time I did put it down because I was forced to, because I was supposed to be at work (dumb), all I did for the next several hours was talk about the book. I have not been THAT captivated by a book since the final Harry Potter book came out. So, we know I mean business! haha

I could seriously write at least 10 more and I am not pleased that I only gave y’all 8 (because 8 is not a great number but I’m doing exposure AH #teamanxiety #winning!) but I know that no one probably cares. Because we all have different tastes! So you may not like any of these! But if you find one you like, I’ll feel that my job is done.

READ ALL THE BOOKS EVER <3 Kelly

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There is nothing better….

p.s. I realize that there seems to be (with one clear exception) a theme in this list of fairly dark/serious/emotional books and I do want people to know that I do read fluffy shit too. And all other kinds of books. I’m not just like this weird dark and twisty evil book lover. At least, I don’t think I am…..