So tonight is the Tony Awards! Which is like SO EXCITING to super cool people like me who love Broadway and Theater and all that jazz (HA theater joke). Plus Neil Patrick Harris is hosting again, which is just brilliant because he is the best ever. But this post is not about the Tonys. I’m sure you are all devastated.
I mentioned in my very first post ever that I am very much in the midst of a quarter life crisis. What am I doing with my life?!?!?! and that kind of thing. ya know. Not anything that interesting. While my personal development has been stunted as of late, my creativity has NOT and so I have come up with several very exciting job/business proposals to become a millionaire/famous/a person with a job. This one however, I cannot take credit for. Not only did I not think of this for myself, but its a LEGITIMATE job. So I don’t even have to convince people to hire me for a job that doesn’t exist like many of my other proposals!!! No, this idea was presented to me by my dear neighbor/friend Allison. I, Kelly, aspire to be a Broadway Child Wrangler.
Now “child wrangler” is kind of the slang term, those in the business prefer “child guardian” or something that doesn’t sound so strange but basically its a glorified babysitting job. However, do NOT say this to a Child Wrangler. Apparently they are quite touchy about that. So I’ve read.
Anyway, so basically the job is this. Parents of kids under 18 aren’t allowed backstage for productions, but the child actors need to be supervised by an adult to make sure they don’t kill each other or burn the place down while they are off stage. In comes the child wrangler. You basically just keep them entertained, get them to stage on time, and hang out backstage. There are also tutors for these child prodigies of Broadway which is a very real second option for me, but that seems like it would involve like actual knowledge. And work. Which sounds hard. Regardless, Allison told me of these wonderful aspects of child wrangling and I was sold. This is my calling!!!!! It combines so many things that I love! Theater + children + organization = HAPPY KELLY!!! Of course, I would totally exploit this job as a way to become best friends with theater people and convince them to put me in a broadway show despite having no talent or ability. I could however, reference my excellent dice collecting skills as was seen in the 2007 High School Performance of the musical Grease. Which in case you weren’t lucky enough to see, was me collecting black puffy dice in the pitch dark super fast from all over the stage during scene change. It was, and I’m not even kidding, so incredibly stressful. But, every night those dice were gone by the next scene. I deserve an award.
The point of the dice is that I clearly have extensive theater experience and I could totally be like “angry town person #7” or “person that waves” or something on Broadway. I don’t even need to say anything! Just be there would be enough. So to get to live the dream of standing on stage in a real Broadway performance I am going to start my journey as a mere Child Wrangler. Which actually sounds ridiculously awesome to me anyway. And the second I get that job, the next time someone asks me my least favorite question (So what do you do?) I’ll just laugh, slightly embarrassed, and say “Oh me, I’m just on Broadway”