OMG TGIF LOL BFF4EVA

I don’t even know how to explain what just happened with that title. Someone take away my internet privileges.

SOOOOOO GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?! This isn’t a real post. Sorry. It’s just a collection of random things that I feel like writing down. Hooray!

1. I think that someone is actually going to have to tie my hands anytime I go into a bookstore now because after last weekends LIBRARY BOOK SALE (A DOLLAR FOR A WHOLE BAG!!!!!!!!!!) I can NOT buy any more books. My “to read” pile of books I’ve bought just over the last 6 months is now well over 60 books. And those are just the ones I’ve bought. But I can’t stop myself! So someone slap me if you see me trying to buy a book. sad face.

2. I decided that it is NOT appropriate to ask your parents and random aunt and uncle you have not seen in a million years whether or not your Grandmother is still alive while at a nice dinner. Fortunately I did not actually ask, although several times they were talking about her for some reason and I REALLY wanted to know! Like is she dead? I haven’t been getting birthday checks for years, I just want answers. In other news, apparently I have relatives?

3. The bank is stupid. And probably scamming me. They charged me $55 to reorder checks! Like the boring ones with nothing on them. What??!?!? Fairly upset about that.

4. What type of shoes do I wear with my maxi skirts now that it is fall? Because I was trying one on the other day and I tried several pairs of flats but it just looked really awkward. So what is the protocol on that one?

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SO HAPPY ITS FALL!!!! I love apple picking! I may have already been twice and possibly (definitely) want to go more times!! Fall = happiness

5. (because I always have to have 5! yep, that’s still a thing) Would it be embarrassing if I wore knee pads to babysitting? Because this one child will NOT let me stand up and only always me to crawl on the hardwood floor on my knees. And it really hurts guys. Ok, yeah, he’s three and he is dictating my life but that’s because I’m a people pleaser! I can’t say no! So basically just. ow. My knees CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Well that’s all. Have a WONDERFUL weekend full of rainbows and unicorns! Or whatever else makes you happy. I don’t care. 🙂

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Lasagna is the Reason I Have Trust Issues

Ok so it all started with an innocent day at work.

Basically so for the past couple weeks I’ve had mono. I’m telling you, its just super fun. I love not eating solid food or being able to be awake for more than like 3 hours, and not being able to talk and the feeling of knives stabbing the inside of my throat. All super great. So fun. haha I just think it is weird that I like somehow survived high school and college, never really ever got sick and I feel like thats generally when people get mono and then I like have no contact with the human world for a while and somehow get mono. I’m pretty sure I got it from my dog, cause that’s the only man I’m kissin! 😛

Anyway so for a while I was living pretty much exclusively on ice, popsicles, chicken broth, really really thin smoothies because not only did my throat basically completely close up I also weirdly wasn’t able to open my mouth? That’s not a thing. Who am I? But yeah so after a few days, I have to say, you kind of go a little bit nuts because I just wanted to like, chew on something. It was weird. Whatever. After a while my mom decided that it was time to try and incorporate some solid food. So she told me in the morning that she was going to make lasagna for dinner because she thought that might be fairly easy for me to handle. Cool. Fine by me. I like lasagna. No problem.

So quick backstory, my mom is a pretty good cook. I guess I was lucky. She has always really really enjoyed cooking which is truly beyond me because I am on the exact opposite end of that spectrum. And like for pasta and stuff she always makes homemade sauce and I’ve always liked it. Every so often she tries new recipes like every other person, whatever. I usually like it. But a couple of years ago she made this new pasta meat sauce. And I liked it, but like, my first thought when I had it was “I think there is pork in this.” More backstory, I don’t eat pork. Sometimes if I’m bored I lie and say its for some reason but its not. I just honestly don’t like any pork products. Even bacon guys. True story. So yes, I had this thought that there was pork in this new sauce, but I didn’t say anything. I stayed quiet because I thought, my own mother, would have the DECENCY to at least TELL me that there was pork in this new creation. But we all ate our pasta in silence.

Fast forward to the day of this lasagna. So my mom made the lasagna, it was like 7:00 I was exhausted because like that was late for me I was usually in bed by then. I may have been a bit ornery. I get my piece of lasagna and cut of possibly the smallest piece of a noodle ever and successfully ate it. However, on that day, I was sick of all the secrecy. Despite my ill taste buds, I could still taste that pork in the sauce. So I stood up and said something. (IMPORTANT INFO REGARDING THE FOLLOWING THE CONVERSATION: Mono had stripped me of my vocal chords and so I was literally talking maybe as loud as a whisper? And also my brother said even then I sounded like I had been deaf my whole life. So not a great voice for debate)

Me: “Mom, just tell me the truth. Is there pork in this?”

Mom: Nervously laughs and looks at my dad

Me: “I feel like I have been lied to for far to long! Just tell me!”

Dad: “I think its just beef” (ummm what on earth do you know dad? you never have made an actual meal in your life)

Mom: “Well, I don’t know, I use beef…”

Me: “Yes…. and…”

Mom: “Yes, there is A LITTLE pork in it, but its just a little and I don’t use it all the time and etc etc etc (trying to get out of this)”

Me: ” I KNEW IT (not actually yelling due to lack of vocal chords) I SEE IT RIGHT HERE. I’VE KNOWN ALL THESE YEARS BUT I NEVER SAID ANYTHING AND I ATE IT AND YOU MADE ME EAT PORK”

Mom: “Yes, and look, you didn’t die!”

Me: “Irrelevant”

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This is not actually the day of the incident. You can tell because I look like a living person and because in actuality there would have been much angry in the eyes.

So the moral of this story is that I spent the rest of my time at dinner picking out every single piece of pork I saw and politely pointing it out to my parents and felt forever betrayed.

*Also I realize I never explained how this all started with an innocent day at work, but I have decided NOT to explain this. I don’t know why. Actually yes I do, I’m still too upset about the pork incident.

I’m actually getting really mad right now because I can’t think of a witty title or any title that isn’t super cliche and now my life is ruined.

Ok… so lets try and see if I will actually be able to write a real post today. I mean, sounds hard so I’m not quite sure yet.

**Amendment – if you actually chose to read this I really apologize in advance because your eyeballs are probably going to start bleeding at some point because for some reason I made this like my senior thesis or something. I’m cool.

So for anyone who knew me in college, you may remember that I was somewhat involved in this little operation for like all of college. Camp Kesem ring any bells for anyone? I mean I probably at some point forced you to buy like 5 pig roast “toothpick holders” or go to Cheeburger Cheeburger for a profit share. Ok so maybe I was more than somewhat involved, I mean whatever, maybe it took over my entire life for a while, no big deal.

In all honesty though Kesem was a really important part of my college experience. And yeah, we ALL worked really hard. And maybe there were some really late night venting sessions or breaking into churches late at night to make copies for free. I said MAYBE guys. And yeah, ok, so Flo Rida was kind of a diva and casually arrived roughly 6 hours late. So yeah, it was stressful. And a lot of work. But for that one week of camp, the week before school started in August. None of that crap mattered. Because seeing every one of those kids and the families was so worth it. True, camp never necessarily ran completely according to plan and nothing was perfect, and yeah I did momentarily lose it sometimes when a certain camper would talk for hours about how unfair it was that she didn’t have her homemade monofin with her at camp. Or my first year when a small child decided it was a good idea to try and cut her feet off in a air vent. (For the record, she didn’t, we intervened… None of that nonsense on my watch!) But truly honestly it did not matter at all. It didn’t matter that we were running on Redbull and singing Tarzan until we lost our voices. Because giving kids the chance to just be kids, and not worry about the scary “C” word that had brought them all there.

So obviously when I graduated college, I really felt like a part of me had been lost. I wanted to still be involved but I didn’t really know how since there aren’t any camps in my area at all. I had thought about being a Camp Advisor before but at that point in my life I was in no way capable of doing that. I actually remember that summer, the year after I graduated, feeling so upset and lost and angry the day that camp started. I wanted to be there!!! Because apparently the world just can’t go on without me? Get it together Kelly.

So whatever, that was sad. Eventually I had bigger problems to deal with and so I wasn’t so obsessed with what CKUR was doing. Still in the back of my mind though I was thinking about being a camp advisor. So in a moment of pure insanity I applied. Just because, I mean really why not? Worst they can do is say no. Short story, I got a position as an advisor for a camp in Michigan which I was pretty excited about because I have never been to the midwest and like for some reason there are a plethora of “Come Visit Michigan” commercials on TV and they made it look so beautiful even though I was fairly confused as to why they needed to advertise to us so much.

Immediately after I was so incredibly excited and like “OMG IM GOING BACK TO CAMP BEST DAY EVER” things quickly shifted to the classic Gob quote from Arrested Development, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” But even though I would have classified myself in the absolutely terrified category, I was still excited. Because I remembered how like somehow when those kids are there, nothing else matters.

So I flew to Michigan. Learned many things on the way… for instance, Chicago is like 5 minutes away. I had no idea. But I’m not great with geography, no offense to my fifth grade social studies teacher but that Pigskin geography stuff didn’t seem to stick with me. I found out that apparently, ok fine this is more conjecture, that the airport I flew into was probably someone who had a large backyard and in like 1974 was like, yeah. I’ll let planes land here. I’ll just mention that when I flew back home from that airport, at like 10am I was the first person in the airport that didn’t work there. I had to actually like call someone over from their conversation and tell them I wanted to go through security now so could, like, maybe someone let me do that? And finally, an hour before my plane was scheduled to leave that day, I kid you not, I was LITERALLY the ONLY person at the gate. At one point I was fairly sure I was going to get murdered. But I mean obviously that all worked itself out so its totally fine. Everyone else apparently just were smarter than me and knew that like no one ever is airport and came at the last possible second. Well now I know.

Anyway so yeah got to camp. The kids weren’t coming for a couple days as we finished up training. And I have to say, at first things were not at all even a little bit close to my fairytale fantasy land that I envisioned. Times were tough man. But it was pretty! The commercials didn’t lie! But then the kids came. Which was awesome. Time for camp mode, which means camp names and all. Surprise surprise my camp name is Luna so I spent the next week convincing most of the younger campers that I was the real Luna Lovegood and that Harry Potter was my best friend and that yeah, I was a Hogwarts alum. So that kind of made me really happy because that’s like my dream life anyway haha. such a nerrrrrddddd oh my god. All the campers were so great, they were adorable and funny and talented and super loved all the songs and were so amazing. I mean we did have the incident with the child confronting me about my lack of eyebrows and that was a sad time in my life, but it was ok. Even though I didn’t know these kids, I didn’t know their stories. I didn’t know who was related to who and what their family situations were. And that was kind of weird, but also kind of cool. By the end of the week, it was weird but like I actually was upset that I wasn’t going to be able to follow up with these kids, see them at reunions or next year at camp. Crazy how that can happen in such a short period of time. The point to literally the longest thing I’ve ever written post college is that going back to camp was one of the hardest things I ever did, but also something I can never regret. It completely reaffirmed that I want to work with kids and families, that I will actually survive uncomfortable and terrifying situations, and that I really need to get back to volunteering more. Because I love it so much. And you can see how much the smallest thing can be so important to someone else.

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Other truly random things I discovered whilst on my journey:

1. Someone really should have given me a heads up that Michigan is actually the coldest place on this earth. Like it was 40 degrees in the morning. Really glad I didn’t bring any pants or sweatshirts or anything warm at all.

2. There is this magical place in Michigan that is like a Target but apparently better? And they like love it. I was kind of sad I never got to go to one. They have everything! All I know for fact is that their brand of fake oreos were pretty darn amazing.

3. Apparently there is a sport/game/something called Gaga Ball. Is this like a real thing to other people? I mean it looked fun and everything but I have NEVER in my life heard of that. So is that a thing? Anyone?

4. I am still not entirely sure what timezone I was in the entire time I was there. Like I thought the whole time I was that I was an hour behind, on Central time because Chicago is and Michigan is further away than Chicago. So I thought that’s just how things were. But then, there were these questionable time things that like didn’t feel possible if they were an hour behind. And then when I got picked up, my parents were like we were so confused when you texted us at 2 because we thought you were an hour behind. And I was like… was I not? So I really don’t know what the heck the situation is. And I need to look it up but I keep forgetting. Or if someone could just tell me is Michigan an hour behind or not? Because I feel kind of like I was maybe in some sort of weird time warp type situation.

Literally longest thing ever written. My bad. That was not my intention! I swear!