I just really enjoy leaving notes

I really like writing notes to people. And to myself actually… (weird). I actually wrote myself a note today in my car, giving myself an A+ for putting my jeans in the laundry while completely forgetting that a mere 10 minutes earlier I had just placed this weeks babysitting money in the back pocket. Sigh. I am particularly fond of a well placed Post – It full of wit and snark as a (hopefully pleasant?) little surprise for someone. And perhaps they do not understand the genius that is in the note, but I think I’m hilarious so who cares.

I thought of this because I am CONSTANTLY leaving notes for my parents reminding them that we STILL DO HAVE AN ANSWERING MACHINE and in the .05% chance that a non-telemarketer has called and left an important/relevant message, maybe they should umm take a listen. This is actually a fairly involved process. I’m the only one who ever checks the answering machine, because as noted above, no one seems to remember that we have that. So I hear all the messages meant for my parents and then I promptly start the process of hoping that sometime in the next 24 – 48 hours one of them figures out there is a message on the answering machine. It takes about four neon Post It’s on the ACTUAL phone/answering machine, and several leading arrows or reminders that will point them to the note covered phone which MAYBE they will read and perhaps understand a message is on the machine.

But I don’t leave normal message notes. I don’t say who called, or what there number is or really anything relevant at all. This is the  note I just left for my father:

FATHER: A person has called. They want to talk to you. BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING

please remember that your decreased work ethic is the reason

we may soon be living off food stamps and under a bridge somewhere.

If you need an agent for negotiation I am available. 

You may notice this note gives pretty much no useful information. But I love it. I think it’s great, and if he ever finds his way to the phone to listen to that message, I will just laugh alone at myself and my brilliance that no one else understands. This is probably part of the reason people think I’m insane……….

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Thank you Schuyler for posting this on facebook because it is actually my life 🙂 Completely Accurate

*If you would like a witty note left for you inquiries are welcome. However do not expect anything even close to sappy-silly-nonsense. I prefer a more sarcastic route….

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My Interpretation of the Oscars (roughly to completely inaccurate)

Ok, I love a good awards show. What I love even more is watching said awards show while simultaneously being on twitter and laughing at what everyone says to like every single minute detail of the event. I have a lot of fun by myself. It’s cool.

So anyway, I also had my own thoughts on ‘Hollywood’s Biggest Night’ as I’m sure practically every person did. But I’m mostly sure that all of MY thoughts were really wrong.

Things I thought/believe about the Oscars last night:

  1. They are PLAYING HARRY POTTER MUSIC and it is the best moment of my entire life! Hey and that’s Mary Poppins “Lets Go Fly a Kite” !!! Is there an Oscar for best background/fade to commercial music??? (there should be, because A+)
  2. Jennifer Lawrence is great and seems to fall over as randomly as I do so I feel like we should probably talk about that.
  3. Frank Underwood is at the Oscars!!!!!!! oh my god is he going to kill anyone!??!! Wait, why isn’t he talking normally anymore? Who is this other person who looks like Frank? Please go away, I want Frank back (unless he is going to kill me…..)
  4. Is Idina Menzel going to sing yet? Is she? Is she? IS SHE? WHY ISN’T SHE SINGING YET I CAN’T GO TO BED UNTIL SHE SINGS.
  5. Well, clearly John Travolta is a huge Broadway fan. (this one is probably accurate though….)
  6. I think all the people should win!
  7. OK hold on. Alfonso Cuaron directed HP numero tres, and HE just won an Oscar…….WHICH MEANS HARRY POTTER JUST WON AN OSCAR. (not even a little true)
  8. I bet Kristen Bell kind of regrets that she brought a burrito in her clutch cause she could have gotten free pizza…….(but it’s still really cool she brought a burrito)
  9. And finally, 12 Years a Slave just won an Oscar. That is the story of a man who lived in Saratoga. Which is practically where I live. Which means we are basically neighbors (despite the part where he is dead). So therefore based on logic the 518 won the WHOLE OSCARS. (nope, not accurate).

And that is how I feel about the Oscars.

Happy Monday Almost Being Over.

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please be the weekend, please be the weekend, please be the weekend.