Completely Valid Excuses

Ok fine, fine, someone say “I told you so.” We all knew I would kinda, sort of, a little bit, give up, slash forget about the fact that I was writing (well attempting to write) this blog thingy. But as is quite clear from the absolutely non-contradictory title of this “post””, I may have slacked off a bit but my reasons are completely valid.

  1. There are a LOT of things that just HAVE to be watched on Netflix, and I can’t just let Netflix down can I?
  2. My brain is most likely broken and therefore not only have I lot the ability to write, but I also have been just flat out forgetting words/how to speak English. So brokn brain = check.
  3. In a fight between writing things and lying in my bed, my bed wins every time.

As you can see, these are all really excellent reasons as to why I have disappeared into the shadows of my lair. But today I had this random urge to just write something! Weird. And then I came up with a few ideas but of course did I follow through with any of those. No. My bad. So instead, here are pictures of things that have happened since I last wrote anything here. (You may notice that the majority of the things have to do with otters…..#storyofmylife)

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Cheers to my Alpha Chi Sisters at Mrs. Magner’s Wedding!!

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They are not my actual children. Although it does look shockingly a lot like they could be……

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IMG_4149 otter bff #1 in Portland

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super excited about otter bff #2

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Haystack Rock in Oregon

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oh and then I went to LA

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best art ever 😀

 

 

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Random Thoughts on Life, Love, and Drunk People

It is Sunday again. How did that happen? Where does the time go?! Which actually that reminds of a paper I wrote on the illusion of time for an English class in college and now I’m probably going to think about that again for like 4 hours……. I’ll try not to get into it here, because you probably don’t care. 😛

Random Thoughts of the Week:

  1. Why, just WHY, must some websites INSIST on sending you a confirmation email when you unsubscribe from whatever nonsense emails they keep sending you. Like I am literally telling you that your emails as pissing me off, and yet they have the audacity to send me that ONE FINAL EMAIL just to prove that they are better than me?!?!?! I don’t why this bothers me so much, probably no one else even thinks about this, but I’ve decided it is a cruel trick to play to show that really, even though you think you have defeated them, they have won the war. Jerks
  2. Just please take a moment to look at these tiny baby goats and then cry because I want one so badly

    TINY BABY GOATS!

    TINY BABY GOATS!

  3. It is a little bit absurd what people will complain about. Like ok, yes I just complained about the email thing, but like that isn’t something I would go out of my way to email someone about or call and complain, because I have the common sense to realize that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter. But I’ve talked to several people recently who work in customer service, and being a customer service vet myself, and it is actually laughable what people will call and complain about! And what they expect you to do to make them happy! “Wow, I’m so sorry ma’am that you had to wait in line for 10 minutes, that must have been really tough, but if that was literally the worst part of your day, I’d say you are doing pretty well.” I recently was talking with the box office manager of a big local theater and she said that over the winter, someone called for a refund for their ticket to an event, that raises money for childhood cancer research, because it was snowing and it wasn’t his fault “the **explative** kids had cancer.” Seriously? Really? That is appalling. — > Sorry, that got way more intense and serious than I had planned… awk.
  4. Drunk people will give you all of their money if you ask and smile nicely. And then they will forget they gave you any money and give you more. Excellent. So if anyone needs to do some fundraising, go someplace where the people are pretty drunk. Haha

And those are all the thoughts in my head. Probably. Or at least the only ones I can remember…. Sad times, when you are so old you don’t even remember your own thoughts. Even though the mall police still card me because I look younger than 18…..My life is just really rough

I’d rather be happy

If you know anything about me at all, you know that I am ridiculously obsessed with free stuff. I spend hours researching free activities, entering contests, trying to get free money, etc., etc., so the following might seem a BIT out of character. Do not be too alarmed. (I still like free stuff don’t worry).

This is something that I have always kind of lived by, but today it really like hit me in the face for absolutely no discernible reason. Another contradiction that I am a walking example of is that I like to do new things, try and have unique experiences and take advantage of what I can do while I can! Of course at the same time, I’m like terrified of trying new things, but in the end, to me the experience is always worth it.

So what hit me today was that I would rather be happy than “rich.” Ok I know that sounds cliche and stupid. So let me explain. This week I spent $70.00 at bookstores. Some people may think that is absurd when I already have a zillion books and the pile of “to-read” books is getting taller than I am, but finding a book, picking it up and imagining the possibilities within it? That’s thrilling to me! Finding really random kitchy things that I don’t really need or something I find really funny, I love that. I want to buy all of it. I don’t care if other people think it’s a waste of money or if people think I’m crazy, it’s something that really makes me happy.

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True Story

I feel the same way about spending a little extra money to go do something that I know I truly enjoy. Or to try something I’ve always wanted to do. I know that pretty much everyone else does not share this opinion. Especially as someone in their mid-twenties, the main focus for so many people my age is money. And I totally understand, I know that I have to (and I do) save money for school and for bills and for rent and for becoming a “real adult.” And it might seem irresponsible for me to write this, especially since I work 3 fake jobs and make very little money, but I save almost all of it so why shouldn’t I spend a little more to do things that make me happy. Would I like to have a good job and a really solid savings account and enough money to be a “real adult”? Absolutely, I’d love that! But that isn’t my reality right now, so while I can I want to try new things. I want to go out for a fancy dinner or go to a play or try  a random kayaking adventure.

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So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past several years, well really ever since high school. Unfortunately I remain alone in this venture, because my friends are sensible real adults who have real lives to worry about! So I’m awkward loner in the corner at a random event, or literally the only person who goes to like a Paint/Drink place alone, but I enjoy it. I don’t like blow all my money on some crazy vacation that I’ll never be able to pay off or something like that, but I will spend a little more if I know that even for just a few hours, I will get to enjoy my life. I may never be a rich woman, but I won’t regret doing what makes me happy.

Happy Weekend!

What You’ve Missed

Ok, yeah. My last post was in March, so lets all just give me an A+ on that….But when you see what you have missed out on this past month and a half, oh boy will you understand.

Things that have happened in my extremely riveting life since March 21, 2014:

1. I wrote myself some super encouraging notes to get myself to actually DO MY SCHOOL WORK

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This is what it has come to

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Some scare tactics…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. I became best friends with a horse because I feel he is the only one who truly understands me.

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Please Note the “I’m Grumpy, Please do NOT pet me sign”

3. I achieved a life goal and saw Idina Menzel live on Broadway and I cried when she came out. And I also almost attacked Anthony Rapp. Casual.

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SO GOOD. The entire cast was fantastic but ohmygod Idina Menzel is a goddess!

4. I read a lot of books, I watched a lot of Netflix.

And that’s it! Can you believe it? Like WOAHHHH slow down there Kelly don’t push yourself too hard there!

Aren’t we all glad now I didn’t write anything? Yes. I wish I could say that in a flash my life will become exponentially more exciting but that is obviously false. If anyone has any ideas for fun secret missions or FREE adventures, please let me know. I love free things and secret missions. And there just has not been enough of that in my life recently.

Forever avoiding the real world, Kelly.

I just really enjoy leaving notes

I really like writing notes to people. And to myself actually… (weird). I actually wrote myself a note today in my car, giving myself an A+ for putting my jeans in the laundry while completely forgetting that a mere 10 minutes earlier I had just placed this weeks babysitting money in the back pocket. Sigh. I am particularly fond of a well placed Post – It full of wit and snark as a (hopefully pleasant?) little surprise for someone. And perhaps they do not understand the genius that is in the note, but I think I’m hilarious so who cares.

I thought of this because I am CONSTANTLY leaving notes for my parents reminding them that we STILL DO HAVE AN ANSWERING MACHINE and in the .05% chance that a non-telemarketer has called and left an important/relevant message, maybe they should umm take a listen. This is actually a fairly involved process. I’m the only one who ever checks the answering machine, because as noted above, no one seems to remember that we have that. So I hear all the messages meant for my parents and then I promptly start the process of hoping that sometime in the next 24 – 48 hours one of them figures out there is a message on the answering machine. It takes about four neon Post It’s on the ACTUAL phone/answering machine, and several leading arrows or reminders that will point them to the note covered phone which MAYBE they will read and perhaps understand a message is on the machine.

But I don’t leave normal message notes. I don’t say who called, or what there number is or really anything relevant at all. This is the  note I just left for my father:

FATHER: A person has called. They want to talk to you. BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING

please remember that your decreased work ethic is the reason

we may soon be living off food stamps and under a bridge somewhere.

If you need an agent for negotiation I am available. 

You may notice this note gives pretty much no useful information. But I love it. I think it’s great, and if he ever finds his way to the phone to listen to that message, I will just laugh alone at myself and my brilliance that no one else understands. This is probably part of the reason people think I’m insane……….

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Thank you Schuyler for posting this on facebook because it is actually my life 🙂 Completely Accurate

*If you would like a witty note left for you inquiries are welcome. However do not expect anything even close to sappy-silly-nonsense. I prefer a more sarcastic route….

My Interpretation of the Oscars (roughly to completely inaccurate)

Ok, I love a good awards show. What I love even more is watching said awards show while simultaneously being on twitter and laughing at what everyone says to like every single minute detail of the event. I have a lot of fun by myself. It’s cool.

So anyway, I also had my own thoughts on ‘Hollywood’s Biggest Night’ as I’m sure practically every person did. But I’m mostly sure that all of MY thoughts were really wrong.

Things I thought/believe about the Oscars last night:

  1. They are PLAYING HARRY POTTER MUSIC and it is the best moment of my entire life! Hey and that’s Mary Poppins “Lets Go Fly a Kite” !!! Is there an Oscar for best background/fade to commercial music??? (there should be, because A+)
  2. Jennifer Lawrence is great and seems to fall over as randomly as I do so I feel like we should probably talk about that.
  3. Frank Underwood is at the Oscars!!!!!!! oh my god is he going to kill anyone!??!! Wait, why isn’t he talking normally anymore? Who is this other person who looks like Frank? Please go away, I want Frank back (unless he is going to kill me…..)
  4. Is Idina Menzel going to sing yet? Is she? Is she? IS SHE? WHY ISN’T SHE SINGING YET I CAN’T GO TO BED UNTIL SHE SINGS.
  5. Well, clearly John Travolta is a huge Broadway fan. (this one is probably accurate though….)
  6. I think all the people should win!
  7. OK hold on. Alfonso Cuaron directed HP numero tres, and HE just won an Oscar…….WHICH MEANS HARRY POTTER JUST WON AN OSCAR. (not even a little true)
  8. I bet Kristen Bell kind of regrets that she brought a burrito in her clutch cause she could have gotten free pizza…….(but it’s still really cool she brought a burrito)
  9. And finally, 12 Years a Slave just won an Oscar. That is the story of a man who lived in Saratoga. Which is practically where I live. Which means we are basically neighbors (despite the part where he is dead). So therefore based on logic the 518 won the WHOLE OSCARS. (nope, not accurate).

And that is how I feel about the Oscars.

Happy Monday Almost Being Over.

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please be the weekend, please be the weekend, please be the weekend.

I am far too involved in not real life….

…..and that is seriously true to probably an unhealthy extent. haha

What I mean by “not real life” is basically TV/movies/BOOKS. Of course there are other forms of not real life, like ‘Fantasy Football’ or those weird video game cults or whatever where boys spend 19 hours a day playing video games. And I think that in all of these fantastical lives we lead separate from ourselves, most people tend to fall into the category that I am in. Far too committed for something that is actually not real life.

So like for example my last post was about books because books are the best ever and I love all the books. I’ve been reading some really excellent books recently and I find myself being seriously emotionally affected by the book I’m reading. So I just finished The Dinner by Herman Koch (another thriller/mystery….I’m really on that train these days!) and after I would read a certain section and have to stop for whatever “real life” thing I was being forced to attend to, I would still be thinking about the book. I was thinking about the characters, I was angry at of them for something they did and I was feeling like I needed to protect this other character…..things of that nature. THESE PEOPLE AREN’T REAL KELLY. But I apparently can NOT separate fiction from reality.

The same goes for TV shows. I just finished House of Cards (which seriously watch that it is so good) and oh my god I felt all those things being thrown viciously at the characters as if they were being thrown at me! So and so just revealed this huge secret about character x? WHAT AM I, Kelly in the real world, GOING TO DO TO TRY AND RECTIFY THIS SITUATION. This is what goes through my head. It’s weird, but I think most people kinda get that way? Correct me if I’m horribly wrong and this is just a personal problem that I should save for sometime when I’m laying on a couch being psychoanalyzed. It is so interesting to me though how we can fall so deeply into this other reality! I want to study this. Can the study involve me just watching Netflix all day and reading all the books ever and wearing my homeless clothes? Ok good, study is on then.

One last thought about this, that I think may prove to be an early sign of sociopathic tendencies (uh oh) is that on a lot of shows I’ve been watching recently there is a clear “bad guy” who you like at first but then over time you are all “Oh. Wow. This person is terrible. There are just secretly pretending they are a good person.” The best example I can think of would be Walter White in Breaking Bad. He starts off this dorky innocent dying teacher and becomes a murderous drug lord. So yeah, I should probably hate him. BUT NO. I keep finding myself STILL feeling sympathy for him. “He did all of it for his family!” “He was protecting Jesse until the very end!” Why do I still like the bad guys so much? I still believe in them! I still believe they are inherently good! But how can I say that as I watch a character push another person in front of a train? Somehow, in my brain, I’m thinking “That was truly awful, but maybe he had to?” What is wrong with me?

So if in 15 years I’m on the news for being a psycho/crazed lunatic, perhaps show them this. I feel like this can’t be a good sign….

Anyone else feel any love for the bad guys? My guess is no. haha

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I want this.

“I can’t emphasize enough how little we thought about this”

hahaha ohhhh Parks and Recreation, such a good show. Not only is the title of this post one of many favorite lines, somehow, weirdly, I think it has become my “theme.” Which is WEIRD if you know me because the problem is usually over-thinking! But recently I have just kind of been “taking the plunge” and doing random things without much thought! Nothing crazy of course like getting married or moving to China, but little things. So far, I haven’t had too many regrets…. although I am a tad concerned about a decision I didn’t think about at all but did anyway on Friday, but I won’t know if I should regret that until Tuesday night…. so we shall see. hm. So 2014, the year I am just going to do stuff. No thinking. Unless of course thinking is necessary.

OK. So what I wanted to do was to just randomly share bits and pieces of information, some things I found funny, maybe some stock tips? (yeah right I know nothing about stocks) So here you are, a list of RANDOM INFORMATION, for probably only my reading pleasure.

1. I just can’t stop laughing at this

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SO ACCURATE, except replace “Thin Mints” with “Samoas”

2. What I awkwardly vaguely referred to about a decision I did not think through at all is that I decided to join an adult coed soccer league. And my first game is Tuesday night. I always said I wanted to do an adult league of some sport but like I never found any and then even if I had I probably was going to find some way to not do it. But this just kind of fell at me, and in a moment of insanity I signed up. So, going to play soccer, which I haven’t done in years, with a bunch of strangers. Terrified might be an understatement.

3. On Friday, January 10, 2014 I officially became an old person. The following reasons will prove why.

  • I just fell over while walking and managed to twist my ankle/foot/land really hard on my back and was then unable to walk for several days (still working on it actually)
  • I ACTUALLY went out in public (I attempted to ice skate which was a really great idea because I am terrible) and found myself mumbling under my breathe, alone, by myself, about some “damn kids!” (Which honestly I don’t regret because don’t take your classroom of children ice skating if they have absolutely no idea how to behave in public. Or skate.)
  • I spent the majority of the day icing every part of my body because my whole body, just hurt. 
  • I may have argued with some poor girl over like a $1.00 price difference…

In conclusion. I’m 100 years old.

4. . A certain rabbit (who shall remain nameless and I do apologize to his owners because he can be super sweet and cute) flung a piece of his rabbit poop at me and I diagnosed him with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

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Look how innocent he looks. And he is so nice when you are able to pet him, but I mean sometimes he goes a little nuts….(I still love him and I’m taking good care of him I swear!!!!)

5. Apparently, if a child is injured, they become 100000x more adorable and suddenly do the cutest things ever and want to be your best friend (and steal your dog as well…)

He took my phone and I'm not exaggerating at all but he took 149 pictures in the span of mayyyyybeeee 10 minutes.

He took my phone and I’m not exaggerating at all but he took 149 pictures in the span of mayyyyybeeee 10 minutes.

Well there you have it. I could go on, but you’d be bored by me if you aren’t already. Enjoy the last moments of the weekend! I shall be doing as little as humanly possible before the craziness that begins tomorrow…. sigh.

P.S. Also, THIS. (my friend sent me this and if something like this happened to me with a favorite book of mine I would just absolutely never stop crying of joy.)

2013: A Very Brief Review

It’s New Years Eve Day. Somehow. I don’t entirely understand how it came to be the end of 2013 but here we are and now I get to spend the next several weeks/months incorrectly writing the date on everything I do. Hooray! I am going to take a look back at 2013 and try and share some of the biggest events of the year. Trust me, they are all super exciting and thrilling and are probably mostly about books.

January: minor stop in the ER in NYC but it was totally cool because I was placed next to this famous dying lady and her whole famous family was there. Sadly, I don’t recall her last name. Also not entirely sure if she died. If not, Cheers to you Anita!

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This is clearly after I had received the morphine….

February: Birthday! After a terrible string of birthdays, this one was pretty awesome thanks to some pretty awesome friends. And I got a giant teacup of hard cider which was pretty sweet.

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Birthday! Allison was probably more drunk than I was….. haha

March: Ended up back where I had started the year…booo, also Spring Break For- everrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

April: Went to Rose Rock with some lovely ladies which was fun because it involved Free Stuff + Music + Sitting Outside in the sun + more free stuff!

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FREE PHOTOBOOTH?!? I really really love free stuff…..

May: Finally released from Algonquin :-P, My dear friend Sarah FINALLY got engaged, discovered the deliciousness that is Crabbie’s Ginger Beer and attempted to be artistic and paint my own pair of Toms.

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this was clearly prior to the start of my attempt at creativity…. minor(/major) fail.

June: Pretended I could run a 5K (note the use of the word pretended…..)

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I was also pretending to be really hardcore…. also I still have fairly substantial eyebrows at this point… interesting….

…..and saw some beautiful people get married 🙂

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I really liked these 🙂 so cute!!!

July: Went to Atlanta and spent like 2 hours crying at the otters at the Georgia Aquarium, and was also asked to leave on account of the fact that they were closing for the night. Rough times.

August: Got a chance to relive college in a little bit and go back to CAMP KESEM!!!!!! Although this time in Michigan! (cold).

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Not only did I get to be Luna again, but I convinced many small Children I ACTUALLY went to Hogwarts. And I had this particular very exciting day where my t-shirt matched my hair bow perfectly.

September: Somehow acquired Mono. A mystery still to this day. Also no one believed me on that one for a while, so that was pretty cool…..

October: Oktoberfest, I was tricked into going to a Football game, Got really angry at a 10 year old because they write better than I do, and Halloween…..

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ok to be fair…. this picture was TECHNICALLY in November, but like it was like 2 days in so basically still Oct./Halloween

November: Randomly went TO CHURCH for the first time in, oh I don’t know, 12-15 years? Totally not awkward. And spent roughly 30 hours in the car in two days with my mother on what was possibly the absolute worst car trip of my entire life. Also the only time that I was IN Richmond but did not care at all about being there.

December: ALL CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME. Sketchily went to the Children’s section of the library and requested one, just ONE SINGULAR ticket to an afternoon Children’s puppet show (didn’t feel creepy at all), Tried to steal some adorable African Children even though they specifically said they weren’t up for adoption 😦 That was sad.

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Ok seriously, they were so cute. I wanted them. There were like 4 in particular I was trying to figure out how to somehow take home with me…..

And that was 2013! Let’s see what you’ve got 2014….

Happy New Year Everyone! Be safe tonight!!!

This is a REAL LIFE goal of mine

So it’s no secret I LOVE free stuff. I don’t even care what it is, if it’s free I’ll take it I don’t care.

And every so often I go through a period of OBSESSIVELY entering as many giveaways as possible in the hopes that MAYBE I’ll win something (FREE!)

Because, true life: My real goal in all of life is to WIN something.

I’m not even a little bit joking.

The only thing I have ever won in my entire life was when I was about 9 years old. It was parents night at Heldeberg Workshp, and if you happened to go there, you may remember that there was always a raffle on parents night. And one year, I became obsessed with (of all things), a walking stick. I HAD to have it. It was beautiful, hand carved, apparently really necessary in my life and I wanted to win it so badly. I begged and pleaded for tickets to entire the raffle and my mom maybe bought me like 5 or something and I put all my hopes and dreams in those 5 tickets and waited to feel the excitement of holding the walking stick in my hand, triumphant.

Well, do to some luck, probably the fact that not very many people had entered the raffle, and the prayers of an innocent young blonde with an unfortunate set of bangs, I WON that walking stick. It was the proudest and most excited I had ever been. I walkled around with it for days, before I decided I was scared I would ruin it and so I put it in a place of honor in my room, where it has since stayed.

Since that day, the day of the walking stick, I have been hunting, searching, and waiting to experience the pure joy of winning something again. So I spend many hours of my life, doing all the necessary things to enter as many contests or giveaways as possible. That potentially may be the reason I receive so many strange emails that I don’t know why I’m receiving…. hmmm lightbulb moment there. But to no avail. Not since I was 9 have I experienced a win. I mean by law of averages you would think that by NOW something would have happened. But, unfortunately no luck.

I have no idea why it is so important for me to win something. Maybe because I never really like got any awards as a child and my inner freudian child is angry and wants to get an “award” (although, I DID come in first place in a Pumpkin Carving contest in like 5th grade, of which I am still extremely proud but did not receive a physical trophy…..). I did not grow up in the days of the “participation trophy” and so my trophy shelves remain empty and covered in dust. But maybe, just maybe, if I could win something, just once, I would feel like one of those terrible children on “Toddlers and Tiaras” and get to show off my trophy to everyone. (except they get like crowns and puppies which like isn’t even fair but don’t get me started….)

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This is an example of something that I didn’t win. Although this is also something I never attempted to win…. but still. It counts.

One week until Christmas! Done shopping yet? I thought I was in my head where everything has been done months ago but then when I ACTUALLY said out loud what I had actually physically gotten, I realized I have done nothing. WHOOPS. Better get shoppin!