Business Proposals: Part 1


As I have mentioned before, or you just may have guessed this for yourself, but I have somewhat of a wild imagination. I think of a lot of strange things that the majority of people would probably not ever think about. For instance, when I was little, every time I went on a plane I had this weird fantasy land idea that the seat I was sitting in, that tiny little space on the plane, was all I had in the world. Like, my backpack had all my possessions and I had to live just in that seat for the rest of my life. Why? Who thinks that? No one. Kids with problems… and we all know how my story ends.

Anyway, I’m getting off track. The point is I brainstorm a LOT. And what I’ve been brainstorming about recently are jobs. Not like, traditional jobs, but jobs that would utilize my very special and unique skill set. AKA jobs that don’t actually exist, yet. The following proposal was one of the first ideas I had and in all seriousness when I thought of it I thought I was a genius and that people would be begging for my services. And then people brought me down, haters gonna hate.

So here it is. I want to be………. An event planner for homeless people!!!! Does that not sound GREAT?!?!?!!? Let me explain. As almost anyone that knows me would tell you, I love free stuff. To a slightly abnormal degree. “Oh here’s some free newspapers, better take 10 just in case!” kind of deal. This combined with my closet life as a hoarder doesn’t always mix well but whatever. Anyway, because of my love of free stuff I spend a ridiculous amount of time researching free activities or whatever to do here in the Capital Region or really anywhere. I love it. I love finding free things!

So that’s the first part. And then I was thinking, well there must be other people that want to know what all the fun free things are to do around here. And then my next thought was, hey! What about homeless people?! They don’t generally have a lot of money, and I’m sure they want to do fun things as much as the next person rather than just walking around pointlessly all day…. soooo why don’t I become an events coordinator for homeless people to keep them busy during the day?! Brilliant, right? I think so.

Additionally, this could have added benefits! It would not only keep people busy, but off the street, out of trouble, not doing drugs, out of the elements, maybe there would even be food. Tell me I am not a miracle worker, please, try. hahaha

A small problem does lie in the whole, how would I get paid part…. So I need some rich person to really really believe in me and just decide to give me millions of dollars to tell people free things to do. If you know anyone, let me know, I’m in the market for a backer.

Even as I write this in a kind of making fun of myself and my dumb ideas kind of way I still think its a great idea. No one can bring me down! Not only is it just a nice thing to do, its philanthropic. And then I could go nationwide! Think of the possibilities!!!

If you want your chance to invest in “Event Planning for Homeless People by Kelly” please, go ahead and get started with this great new company as soon as possible. The management has many expenses that need to be taken care of…..

And in her Broadway Debut….


So tonight is the Tony Awards! Which is like SO EXCITING to super cool people like me who love Broadway and Theater and all that jazz (HA theater joke). Plus Neil Patrick Harris is hosting again, which is just brilliant because he is the best ever. But this post is not about the Tonys. I’m sure you are all devastated.

I mentioned in my very first post ever that I am very much in the midst of a quarter life crisis. What am I doing with my life?!?!?! and that kind of thing. ya know. Not anything that interesting. While my personal development has been stunted as of late, my creativity has NOT and so I have come up with several very exciting job/business proposals to become a millionaire/famous/a person with a job. This one however, I cannot take credit for. Not only did I not think of this for myself, but its a LEGITIMATE job. So I don’t even have to convince people to hire me for a job that doesn’t exist like many of my other proposals!!! No, this idea was presented to me by my dear neighbor/friend Allison. I, Kelly, aspire to be a Broadway Child Wrangler.

Now “child wrangler” is kind of the slang term, those in the business prefer “child guardian” or something that doesn’t sound so strange but basically its a glorified babysitting job. However, do NOT say this to a Child Wrangler. Apparently they are quite touchy about that. So I’ve read.

Anyway, so basically the job is this. Parents of kids under 18 aren’t allowed backstage for productions, but the child actors need to be supervised by an adult to make sure they don’t kill each other or burn the place down while they are off stage. In comes the child wrangler. You basically just keep them entertained, get them to stage on time, and hang out backstage. There are also tutors for these child prodigies of Broadway which is a very real second option for me, but that seems like it would involve like actual knowledge. And work. Which sounds hard. Regardless, Allison told me of these wonderful aspects of child wrangling and I was sold. This is my calling!!!!! It combines so many things that I love! Theater + children + organization = HAPPY KELLY!!! Of course, I would totally exploit this job as a way to become best friends with theater people and convince them to put me in a broadway show despite having no talent or ability. I could however, reference my excellent dice collecting skills as was seen in the 2007 High School Performance of the musical Grease. Which in case you weren’t lucky enough to see, was me collecting black puffy dice in the pitch dark super fast from all over the stage during scene change. It was, and I’m not even kidding, so incredibly stressful. But, every night those dice were gone by the next scene. I deserve an award.

The point of the dice is that I clearly have extensive theater experience and I could totally be like “angry town person #7” or “person that waves” or something on Broadway. I don’t even need to say anything! Just be there would be enough. So to get to live the dream of standing on stage in a real Broadway performance I am going to start my journey as a mere Child Wrangler. Which actually sounds ridiculously awesome to me anyway. And the second I get that job, the next time someone asks me my least favorite question (So what do you do?) I’ll just laugh, slightly embarrassed, and say “Oh me, I’m just on Broadway”