I’d rather be happy

If you know anything about me at all, you know that I am ridiculously obsessed with free stuff. I spend hours researching free activities, entering contests, trying to get free money, etc., etc., so the following might seem a BIT out of character. Do not be too alarmed. (I still like free stuff don’t worry).

This is something that I have always kind of lived by, but today it really like hit me in the face for absolutely no discernible reason. Another contradiction that I am a walking example of is that I like to do new things, try and have unique experiences and take advantage of what I can do while I can! Of course at the same time, I’m like terrified of trying new things, but in the end, to me the experience is always worth it.

So what hit me today was that I would rather be happy than “rich.” Ok I know that sounds cliche and stupid. So let me explain. This week I spent $70.00 at bookstores. Some people may think that is absurd when I already have a zillion books and the pile of “to-read” books is getting taller than I am, but finding a book, picking it up and imagining the possibilities within it? That’s thrilling to me! Finding really random kitchy things that I don’t really need or something I find really funny, I love that. I want to buy all of it. I don’t care if other people think it’s a waste of money or if people think I’m crazy, it’s something that really makes me happy.

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True Story

I feel the same way about spending a little extra money to go do something that I know I truly enjoy. Or to try something I’ve always wanted to do. I know that pretty much everyone else does not share this opinion. Especially as someone in their mid-twenties, the main focus for so many people my age is money. And I totally understand, I know that I have to (and I do) save money for school and for bills and for rent and for becoming a “real adult.” And it might seem irresponsible for me to write this, especially since I work 3 fake jobs and make very little money, but I save almost all of it so why shouldn’t I spend a little more to do things that make me happy. Would I like to have a good job and a really solid savings account and enough money to be a “real adult”? Absolutely, I’d love that! But that isn’t my reality right now, so while I can I want to try new things. I want to go out for a fancy dinner or go to a play or try  a random kayaking adventure.

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So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past several years, well really ever since high school. Unfortunately I remain alone in this venture, because my friends are sensible real adults who have real lives to worry about! So I’m awkward loner in the corner at a random event, or literally the only person who goes to like a Paint/Drink place alone, but I enjoy it. I don’t like blow all my money on some crazy vacation that I’ll never be able to pay off or something like that, but I will spend a little more if I know that even for just a few hours, I will get to enjoy my life. I may never be a rich woman, but I won’t regret doing what makes me happy.

Happy Weekend!

If you think about it, it is actually completely justifiable

this is a picture of a person in a blue panda suit just because. You’re welcome. ImageOk so recently I have been setting a lot of “rules” for myself. Mostly because I looked at my bank account for the first time in like a month and screamed. I’ve always been careful with my money, but I also used to have absolutely no problem spending it. I mean, that’s what its there for right? But in these troubling times where my weekly medical bill is over $500 out of pocket, I realized that perhaps maybe I might want to rethink the necessity of certain things. Aka, maybe not eat out every single day of the week.

So with that in mind, I made some rules. No more buying coffee when you can make it at home (although I’m trying to give up caffeine altogether! kill me), no going out to lunch every single day when there is perfectly good food at home, and the most difficult rule, no more buying clothes unless they are legitimately necessary. I set my limitations around June 25 and for like 3 days I did AWESOME. I didn’t buy anything! I was so proud! But like, it was practically torture passing a Starbucks. Anyway, point is I was really proud and I was so hopeful for the future for like a day.

But then…… I got an email from one of the many discount clothing websites I get emails from and on July 1st there was going to be a Lilly Pulitzer sale. And I couldn’t resist. So July 1st at 11:00am while I was at work I broke the rules. I just went to TOWN buying things that I DO NOT NEED. But it was so fun and gave me a rush of adrenaline and it was awesome. So of course I was thinking, “hmmm well why stop now?!” so I decided to buy some Groupons, I signed up for a 5K, bought some more clothes, etc. etc. Whoops. Whatever, I was happy right?

So the next day I’m just hanging out online as per the usual and I notice that because I bought that Lilly stuff, I get free shipping on that website for 30 days. In my head, this translated to “Oh my god I have to buy so much more stuff to take advantage of this free shipping while I have it!!!!! What a GOOD DEAL!!!!!” Sooo what did I do? Buy more things. Specifically a bathing suit that I literally already have the exact same one in the same color and everything but this one was free shipping so I had to get it. That’s just how it works. And if you think about it, I’m really just saving money because everything I bought was already on sale and then there was the free shipping situation and like, I neeeeeed a bathing suit. And it will last me a while. These are all the things I tell myself as I hit the checkout button.

Of course some normal person would see this and be like, “yeah you crazy”, which is actually pretty accurate, but to me it all makes perfect sense! Yes, I have no money but if you buy things on sale you basically aren’t spending money. And when you buy things online that’s not real, right? That’s how that works? That’s how it works if you ask me!

And once the money spending rule was broken, a mere 5 days after it had been set in stone, I was an expert at justifying all sorts of things. Like giving up caffeine for example. What I wrote in my contract with myself was that I would give up coffee and soda. So for lunch I had Red Bull, which is NOT coffee or soda! Not breaking the rules! See what I did there? Same sort of thing with the not eating out daily. I am not a big breakfast person so I don’t really consider that a meal per se sooooo if I buy like a muffin or a bagel that’s not REALLY eating out because its just breakfast and that doesn’t count. Oh and ice cream and froyo never count. Just because they don’t. They don’t have calories in them either so basically those are freebies in all cases. haha Told you my sense of reality was a bit warped.

Anyway, the point is, I just think it is really funny how I can justify almost anything to myself. And I’m sure a lot of people must do that too? Or am I just some crazy person? I mean that would not be a shocker but I just thought a lot about how so often I will “break my rules” but then I make it ok by some bullshit explanation that doesn’t even make logical sense. I find that fascinating. So as of today, I’m getting back on the wagon! Time to try to follow the “rules” a bit better. But if I slip up, you can bet I had a good reason.