So this is my brain. Beware.

Questions That I Think About on a Daily Basis (most of which are completely impossible)

  1. How absolutely amazing will it be when (notice I say when, not if….#delusional) I get two baby otters as pets and then they are best friends and we are all best friends together and I just sit and play with them and watch them and cry all day?!?!??!!?

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    Is this not the most precious thing in the entire world? I am seriously getting one. or 100.

  2. What if that thing happens like in that book that I can never remember the name of that we read in school 9 million years ago and all the adults (real adults, I’m still a fake adult so I’d be good) randomly disappear and then children are ruling the world? Like I would definitely not survive. I would probably be one of the first to go right? Definitely.
  3. Can I marry my dog?

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    Pretty Please?

  4. Where can I get free money?
  5.  Is there anything I can get today for free?
  6. Ok so if I can’t MARRY Sherlock, can he definitely be my best man/ring bearer/everything ever?
  7. Seriously what happened to my Hogwarts letter 14 years ago? (I have a theory but I need the truth)
  8. Why has no one revoked my speaking privileges yet? Because I really should not be allowed to talk to people. Or be in public for that matter. It’s for your own good believe me…..

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    seriously, don’t let me talk to people.

  9. WHEN IS THE NEXT TIME I CAN EAT APPLE CIDER DONUTS UNTIL I EXPLODE?
  10. Why have we not invented things that I think are way more important than whatever they are inventing now? Like time machines! And flying cars! Weren’t we like promised to have those by now? Rude. Where’s my Apple iCar or something?
  11. How on earth am I related to these people? Also do I have relatives? Who knows. haha

And that is what I spend my days doing. Thinking about really irrelevant things that make absolutely no sense or are just in no way helpful at attempting to move forward in life.

Also, I’m officially 25 now, which means I’m basically 30 which is practically the same as 40 and I’m basically dead already. Sheesh.

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“I can’t emphasize enough how little we thought about this”

hahaha ohhhh Parks and Recreation, such a good show. Not only is the title of this post one of many favorite lines, somehow, weirdly, I think it has become my “theme.” Which is WEIRD if you know me because the problem is usually over-thinking! But recently I have just kind of been “taking the plunge” and doing random things without much thought! Nothing crazy of course like getting married or moving to China, but little things. So far, I haven’t had too many regrets…. although I am a tad concerned about a decision I didn’t think about at all but did anyway on Friday, but I won’t know if I should regret that until Tuesday night…. so we shall see. hm. So 2014, the year I am just going to do stuff. No thinking. Unless of course thinking is necessary.

OK. So what I wanted to do was to just randomly share bits and pieces of information, some things I found funny, maybe some stock tips? (yeah right I know nothing about stocks) So here you are, a list of RANDOM INFORMATION, for probably only my reading pleasure.

1. I just can’t stop laughing at this

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SO ACCURATE, except replace “Thin Mints” with “Samoas”

2. What I awkwardly vaguely referred to about a decision I did not think through at all is that I decided to join an adult coed soccer league. And my first game is Tuesday night. I always said I wanted to do an adult league of some sport but like I never found any and then even if I had I probably was going to find some way to not do it. But this just kind of fell at me, and in a moment of insanity I signed up. So, going to play soccer, which I haven’t done in years, with a bunch of strangers. Terrified might be an understatement.

3. On Friday, January 10, 2014 I officially became an old person. The following reasons will prove why.

  • I just fell over while walking and managed to twist my ankle/foot/land really hard on my back and was then unable to walk for several days (still working on it actually)
  • I ACTUALLY went out in public (I attempted to ice skate which was a really great idea because I am terrible) and found myself mumbling under my breathe, alone, by myself, about some “damn kids!” (Which honestly I don’t regret because don’t take your classroom of children ice skating if they have absolutely no idea how to behave in public. Or skate.)
  • I spent the majority of the day icing every part of my body because my whole body, just hurt. 
  • I may have argued with some poor girl over like a $1.00 price difference…

In conclusion. I’m 100 years old.

4. . A certain rabbit (who shall remain nameless and I do apologize to his owners because he can be super sweet and cute) flung a piece of his rabbit poop at me and I diagnosed him with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

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Look how innocent he looks. And he is so nice when you are able to pet him, but I mean sometimes he goes a little nuts….(I still love him and I’m taking good care of him I swear!!!!)

5. Apparently, if a child is injured, they become 100000x more adorable and suddenly do the cutest things ever and want to be your best friend (and steal your dog as well…)

He took my phone and I'm not exaggerating at all but he took 149 pictures in the span of mayyyyybeeee 10 minutes.

He took my phone and I’m not exaggerating at all but he took 149 pictures in the span of mayyyyybeeee 10 minutes.

Well there you have it. I could go on, but you’d be bored by me if you aren’t already. Enjoy the last moments of the weekend! I shall be doing as little as humanly possible before the craziness that begins tomorrow…. sigh.

P.S. Also, THIS. (my friend sent me this and if something like this happened to me with a favorite book of mine I would just absolutely never stop crying of joy.)

This is a REAL LIFE goal of mine

So it’s no secret I LOVE free stuff. I don’t even care what it is, if it’s free I’ll take it I don’t care.

And every so often I go through a period of OBSESSIVELY entering as many giveaways as possible in the hopes that MAYBE I’ll win something (FREE!)

Because, true life: My real goal in all of life is to WIN something.

I’m not even a little bit joking.

The only thing I have ever won in my entire life was when I was about 9 years old. It was parents night at Heldeberg Workshp, and if you happened to go there, you may remember that there was always a raffle on parents night. And one year, I became obsessed with (of all things), a walking stick. I HAD to have it. It was beautiful, hand carved, apparently really necessary in my life and I wanted to win it so badly. I begged and pleaded for tickets to entire the raffle and my mom maybe bought me like 5 or something and I put all my hopes and dreams in those 5 tickets and waited to feel the excitement of holding the walking stick in my hand, triumphant.

Well, do to some luck, probably the fact that not very many people had entered the raffle, and the prayers of an innocent young blonde with an unfortunate set of bangs, I WON that walking stick. It was the proudest and most excited I had ever been. I walkled around with it for days, before I decided I was scared I would ruin it and so I put it in a place of honor in my room, where it has since stayed.

Since that day, the day of the walking stick, I have been hunting, searching, and waiting to experience the pure joy of winning something again. So I spend many hours of my life, doing all the necessary things to enter as many contests or giveaways as possible. That potentially may be the reason I receive so many strange emails that I don’t know why I’m receiving…. hmmm lightbulb moment there. But to no avail. Not since I was 9 have I experienced a win. I mean by law of averages you would think that by NOW something would have happened. But, unfortunately no luck.

I have no idea why it is so important for me to win something. Maybe because I never really like got any awards as a child and my inner freudian child is angry and wants to get an “award” (although, I DID come in first place in a Pumpkin Carving contest in like 5th grade, of which I am still extremely proud but did not receive a physical trophy…..). I did not grow up in the days of the “participation trophy” and so my trophy shelves remain empty and covered in dust. But maybe, just maybe, if I could win something, just once, I would feel like one of those terrible children on “Toddlers and Tiaras” and get to show off my trophy to everyone. (except they get like crowns and puppies which like isn’t even fair but don’t get me started….)

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This is an example of something that I didn’t win. Although this is also something I never attempted to win…. but still. It counts.

One week until Christmas! Done shopping yet? I thought I was in my head where everything has been done months ago but then when I ACTUALLY said out loud what I had actually physically gotten, I realized I have done nothing. WHOOPS. Better get shoppin!

The Pumpkin Tells!!!!!

The reason that “The Pumpkin Tells” deserves to be the title of this post is because I have been sitting, for an hour, trying to remember how that song went. It’s like 5 words but I could NOT for the life of me, remember what it was or the tune or anything. So, all of the sudden I was just like “OH MY GOD THE PUMPKIN TELLS” and everything was magically better. If you don’t remember this song, or weren’t fortunate enough to experience it in elementary school music class, we like all sang the little song until the “clock struck midnight” and then the teacher told us what we were going to be. Ahhh….. Nostalgia… and pretty soon it will be time to bring back good old “Guzzle, Guzzle, Guzzle, Munch, Munch, Gobble, Gobble, Chomp!” The good old days. And also, oh my god its like November. Confused.

Nothing of interest to say, but I like fail at writing in this so I’m wingin it. Halloween is A WEEK FROM TODAY. AHHHHHHHH. Put me in charge of decorations, making the kids I babysit a really adorable little pumpkin full of fun halloween things (I’m like way too proud of it….haha), let me pick out fun accessories. BUT put ME in charge of thinking of a costume? Nope. Can’t be done. I think I am actually the worst ever at coming up with Halloween costumes. And every year, I’m like “Ok, Kelly, this is the year. We are going to think about this AHEAD of time and have an ACTUAL costume, when the time comes.” That has not happened once. I’m the girl on Halloween or the day of a costume party who is running around 2 hours before grabbing the most random crap ever and basically just put some ears on, OR I stand by my personal favorite of wearing regular clothes, sticking a name tag on, and telling people I’m on Wheel of Fortune. But THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH. This year, I am HOPING, to have a “real costume.” But then today when I realized it is Thursday, and the whole costume situation needed to pick up the pace, I panicked a bit. haha Fortunately, I have very creative friends who have given me some ideas, that I MAY actually be capable of pulling off. Because not only am I not creative, I’m not crafty. I can’t like, make things. And I’m apparently not clever when it comes to interpretation. So my options are limited.

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A Another Classic Standby, Luna Lovegood. However I think I threw out my bottle cap necklace/other accessories do to some clumsy “spillage”

Anywho, yeah. It’s Thursday. This week flew by but went extremely slowly? Does that make any sense. I mean whatever it totally makes sense to me. Like today feels like THE LONGEST DAY OF ALL TIME, but like tomorrow is Friday? Already? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying.

WELP OK. Now I shall just post some random pictures as I feel necessary because my brain is turned off for the day. Adios.

This is my brother. Who is very much alive, because SOME people didn't think he was real. Also, he is in my light. Tyra would NOT be impressed.

This is my brother. Who is very much alive, because SOME people didn’t think he was real. Also, he is in my light. Tyra would NOT be impressed.

 

 

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Awww look at my baby…. (fine. he’s 13. not a baby.)

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I thought maybe I should actually include a picture of pumpkins in a post entitled “The Pumpkin Tells”……… so yay MINI PUMPKINS

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Oh. Just awkwardly sitting on some hay. In a corner. By myself. Being Awesome.

 

Lasagna is the Reason I Have Trust Issues

Ok so it all started with an innocent day at work.

Basically so for the past couple weeks I’ve had mono. I’m telling you, its just super fun. I love not eating solid food or being able to be awake for more than like 3 hours, and not being able to talk and the feeling of knives stabbing the inside of my throat. All super great. So fun. haha I just think it is weird that I like somehow survived high school and college, never really ever got sick and I feel like thats generally when people get mono and then I like have no contact with the human world for a while and somehow get mono. I’m pretty sure I got it from my dog, cause that’s the only man I’m kissin! 😛

Anyway so for a while I was living pretty much exclusively on ice, popsicles, chicken broth, really really thin smoothies because not only did my throat basically completely close up I also weirdly wasn’t able to open my mouth? That’s not a thing. Who am I? But yeah so after a few days, I have to say, you kind of go a little bit nuts because I just wanted to like, chew on something. It was weird. Whatever. After a while my mom decided that it was time to try and incorporate some solid food. So she told me in the morning that she was going to make lasagna for dinner because she thought that might be fairly easy for me to handle. Cool. Fine by me. I like lasagna. No problem.

So quick backstory, my mom is a pretty good cook. I guess I was lucky. She has always really really enjoyed cooking which is truly beyond me because I am on the exact opposite end of that spectrum. And like for pasta and stuff she always makes homemade sauce and I’ve always liked it. Every so often she tries new recipes like every other person, whatever. I usually like it. But a couple of years ago she made this new pasta meat sauce. And I liked it, but like, my first thought when I had it was “I think there is pork in this.” More backstory, I don’t eat pork. Sometimes if I’m bored I lie and say its for some reason but its not. I just honestly don’t like any pork products. Even bacon guys. True story. So yes, I had this thought that there was pork in this new sauce, but I didn’t say anything. I stayed quiet because I thought, my own mother, would have the DECENCY to at least TELL me that there was pork in this new creation. But we all ate our pasta in silence.

Fast forward to the day of this lasagna. So my mom made the lasagna, it was like 7:00 I was exhausted because like that was late for me I was usually in bed by then. I may have been a bit ornery. I get my piece of lasagna and cut of possibly the smallest piece of a noodle ever and successfully ate it. However, on that day, I was sick of all the secrecy. Despite my ill taste buds, I could still taste that pork in the sauce. So I stood up and said something. (IMPORTANT INFO REGARDING THE FOLLOWING THE CONVERSATION: Mono had stripped me of my vocal chords and so I was literally talking maybe as loud as a whisper? And also my brother said even then I sounded like I had been deaf my whole life. So not a great voice for debate)

Me: “Mom, just tell me the truth. Is there pork in this?”

Mom: Nervously laughs and looks at my dad

Me: “I feel like I have been lied to for far to long! Just tell me!”

Dad: “I think its just beef” (ummm what on earth do you know dad? you never have made an actual meal in your life)

Mom: “Well, I don’t know, I use beef…”

Me: “Yes…. and…”

Mom: “Yes, there is A LITTLE pork in it, but its just a little and I don’t use it all the time and etc etc etc (trying to get out of this)”

Me: ” I KNEW IT (not actually yelling due to lack of vocal chords) I SEE IT RIGHT HERE. I’VE KNOWN ALL THESE YEARS BUT I NEVER SAID ANYTHING AND I ATE IT AND YOU MADE ME EAT PORK”

Mom: “Yes, and look, you didn’t die!”

Me: “Irrelevant”

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This is not actually the day of the incident. You can tell because I look like a living person and because in actuality there would have been much angry in the eyes.

So the moral of this story is that I spent the rest of my time at dinner picking out every single piece of pork I saw and politely pointing it out to my parents and felt forever betrayed.

*Also I realize I never explained how this all started with an innocent day at work, but I have decided NOT to explain this. I don’t know why. Actually yes I do, I’m still too upset about the pork incident.

I’m actually getting really mad right now because I can’t think of a witty title or any title that isn’t super cliche and now my life is ruined.

Ok… so lets try and see if I will actually be able to write a real post today. I mean, sounds hard so I’m not quite sure yet.

**Amendment – if you actually chose to read this I really apologize in advance because your eyeballs are probably going to start bleeding at some point because for some reason I made this like my senior thesis or something. I’m cool.

So for anyone who knew me in college, you may remember that I was somewhat involved in this little operation for like all of college. Camp Kesem ring any bells for anyone? I mean I probably at some point forced you to buy like 5 pig roast “toothpick holders” or go to Cheeburger Cheeburger for a profit share. Ok so maybe I was more than somewhat involved, I mean whatever, maybe it took over my entire life for a while, no big deal.

In all honesty though Kesem was a really important part of my college experience. And yeah, we ALL worked really hard. And maybe there were some really late night venting sessions or breaking into churches late at night to make copies for free. I said MAYBE guys. And yeah, ok, so Flo Rida was kind of a diva and casually arrived roughly 6 hours late. So yeah, it was stressful. And a lot of work. But for that one week of camp, the week before school started in August. None of that crap mattered. Because seeing every one of those kids and the families was so worth it. True, camp never necessarily ran completely according to plan and nothing was perfect, and yeah I did momentarily lose it sometimes when a certain camper would talk for hours about how unfair it was that she didn’t have her homemade monofin with her at camp. Or my first year when a small child decided it was a good idea to try and cut her feet off in a air vent. (For the record, she didn’t, we intervened… None of that nonsense on my watch!) But truly honestly it did not matter at all. It didn’t matter that we were running on Redbull and singing Tarzan until we lost our voices. Because giving kids the chance to just be kids, and not worry about the scary “C” word that had brought them all there.

So obviously when I graduated college, I really felt like a part of me had been lost. I wanted to still be involved but I didn’t really know how since there aren’t any camps in my area at all. I had thought about being a Camp Advisor before but at that point in my life I was in no way capable of doing that. I actually remember that summer, the year after I graduated, feeling so upset and lost and angry the day that camp started. I wanted to be there!!! Because apparently the world just can’t go on without me? Get it together Kelly.

So whatever, that was sad. Eventually I had bigger problems to deal with and so I wasn’t so obsessed with what CKUR was doing. Still in the back of my mind though I was thinking about being a camp advisor. So in a moment of pure insanity I applied. Just because, I mean really why not? Worst they can do is say no. Short story, I got a position as an advisor for a camp in Michigan which I was pretty excited about because I have never been to the midwest and like for some reason there are a plethora of “Come Visit Michigan” commercials on TV and they made it look so beautiful even though I was fairly confused as to why they needed to advertise to us so much.

Immediately after I was so incredibly excited and like “OMG IM GOING BACK TO CAMP BEST DAY EVER” things quickly shifted to the classic Gob quote from Arrested Development, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” But even though I would have classified myself in the absolutely terrified category, I was still excited. Because I remembered how like somehow when those kids are there, nothing else matters.

So I flew to Michigan. Learned many things on the way… for instance, Chicago is like 5 minutes away. I had no idea. But I’m not great with geography, no offense to my fifth grade social studies teacher but that Pigskin geography stuff didn’t seem to stick with me. I found out that apparently, ok fine this is more conjecture, that the airport I flew into was probably someone who had a large backyard and in like 1974 was like, yeah. I’ll let planes land here. I’ll just mention that when I flew back home from that airport, at like 10am I was the first person in the airport that didn’t work there. I had to actually like call someone over from their conversation and tell them I wanted to go through security now so could, like, maybe someone let me do that? And finally, an hour before my plane was scheduled to leave that day, I kid you not, I was LITERALLY the ONLY person at the gate. At one point I was fairly sure I was going to get murdered. But I mean obviously that all worked itself out so its totally fine. Everyone else apparently just were smarter than me and knew that like no one ever is airport and came at the last possible second. Well now I know.

Anyway so yeah got to camp. The kids weren’t coming for a couple days as we finished up training. And I have to say, at first things were not at all even a little bit close to my fairytale fantasy land that I envisioned. Times were tough man. But it was pretty! The commercials didn’t lie! But then the kids came. Which was awesome. Time for camp mode, which means camp names and all. Surprise surprise my camp name is Luna so I spent the next week convincing most of the younger campers that I was the real Luna Lovegood and that Harry Potter was my best friend and that yeah, I was a Hogwarts alum. So that kind of made me really happy because that’s like my dream life anyway haha. such a nerrrrrddddd oh my god. All the campers were so great, they were adorable and funny and talented and super loved all the songs and were so amazing. I mean we did have the incident with the child confronting me about my lack of eyebrows and that was a sad time in my life, but it was ok. Even though I didn’t know these kids, I didn’t know their stories. I didn’t know who was related to who and what their family situations were. And that was kind of weird, but also kind of cool. By the end of the week, it was weird but like I actually was upset that I wasn’t going to be able to follow up with these kids, see them at reunions or next year at camp. Crazy how that can happen in such a short period of time. The point to literally the longest thing I’ve ever written post college is that going back to camp was one of the hardest things I ever did, but also something I can never regret. It completely reaffirmed that I want to work with kids and families, that I will actually survive uncomfortable and terrifying situations, and that I really need to get back to volunteering more. Because I love it so much. And you can see how much the smallest thing can be so important to someone else.

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Other truly random things I discovered whilst on my journey:

1. Someone really should have given me a heads up that Michigan is actually the coldest place on this earth. Like it was 40 degrees in the morning. Really glad I didn’t bring any pants or sweatshirts or anything warm at all.

2. There is this magical place in Michigan that is like a Target but apparently better? And they like love it. I was kind of sad I never got to go to one. They have everything! All I know for fact is that their brand of fake oreos were pretty darn amazing.

3. Apparently there is a sport/game/something called Gaga Ball. Is this like a real thing to other people? I mean it looked fun and everything but I have NEVER in my life heard of that. So is that a thing? Anyone?

4. I am still not entirely sure what timezone I was in the entire time I was there. Like I thought the whole time I was that I was an hour behind, on Central time because Chicago is and Michigan is further away than Chicago. So I thought that’s just how things were. But then, there were these questionable time things that like didn’t feel possible if they were an hour behind. And then when I got picked up, my parents were like we were so confused when you texted us at 2 because we thought you were an hour behind. And I was like… was I not? So I really don’t know what the heck the situation is. And I need to look it up but I keep forgetting. Or if someone could just tell me is Michigan an hour behind or not? Because I feel kind of like I was maybe in some sort of weird time warp type situation.

Literally longest thing ever written. My bad. That was not my intention! I swear!

This is Absolutely Not a Real Post

This is mostly a reminder to MYSELF that I may have kinda sorta been slacking a little bit on the blog type situation. Bad girl. And like its not like I don’t have an idea of what I’m going to write! I know precisely what I want to write about and as time goes on its becoming less and less relevant so I should probably get on that.

Anyway, also if people cared I am still alive. I did not die in my absence, so, so far so good on that too.

Not everyone will appreciate this, again, this is mostly for myself, but I just wanted to treat those of you who will understand the significance of this, a picture of me. Look VERY CLOSELY. ImageGuys. I have COMMITTED to EYEBROWS. I am no longer going remain a member of #teamnoeyebrows. This is going to be a big step for me! Possibly. The problem really became apparent when an adorable small child came up to me and out of nowhere just plainly asked “Why do you not have eyebrows?” And I was like…. small child…… that is a tale you do not want to hear. Aka I was like “Haha I don’t know, they must have fallen off!” So in that moment I became very self conscious of my eyebrows! (or lack thereof) So I decided to give ’em a go and I think I’m committed. haha

So now that most of you still have no idea why on earth I would be rambling on about eyebrows for 7 hours I will end this fake post. I guess I shall end by saying that I went to my fake job today sooooo I guess its been a good day for my fake life! WOOT.

Peace y’all.

I literally took over 200 low quality pictures of otters

ImageAnd that one up there is one of the better ones. Keep THAT in mind. haha

So a week ago today I started what would end up being a very very long, exhausting, emotional, and rewarding trip. The destination? Atlanta, Georgia. Being from upstate NY, the most logical mode of transportation would be plane, right? Well, according to SOME people (my mother) it was going to be SUPER fun to drive all the way from Albany to Atlanta. This is not exactly my idea of fun. I mean I like a good road trip, but I don’t know, just me and my mom trapped in a car for 9+ hours a day for several days just didn’t seem that great to me. I was fairly unexcited, especially since there were like several things my mom wanted to do along the way which would just make the trip longer and longer and I was almost positive if I made it to Atlanta alive it would be a true miracle.

So we drove the first day down to Roanoke, VA which was slightly torturous except for the part where we stopped at the outlets. The next day we drove on the Skyline Drive through the Shenandoah Mountains which is basically Thatcher Park, on crack. Like I want to live there. Sadly, I was disappointed by a lack of bears even though the lady at the booth said we might see some. Rude.

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After driving a little ways down through the mountains, we stopped at the Lurray Caverns which are the 4th largest caverns in the US? The world? Something, I don’t know. This time, think Howe Caverns, but 1000000 times bigger. While I was ultimately happy we went there I was originally terrified because I was convinced I was going to get trapped underground or like pierced by a stalactite/mite whatever thingy. Fortunately, I escaped unscathed.

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like what if that fell on my head?

Anyway, so we ultimately made it to Atlanta yadda yadda yadda had a crazy weekend that was literally at every end of every spectrum ever (That’s for another time) and then, it was just over. I hate that! Isn’t it so strange when something just abruptly ends like that? I’m still not over it haha. So anyway, I knew I was going to need to console myself because I was all sad and what not, so I looked at the website for the Georgia Aquarium which was only a few blocks from the hotel and saw, to my great delight that SEA OTTER FEEDING WAS at 3:30!!!! I knew what had to be done. I marched myself straight down to that aquarium, waited in line for like 12 hours (ok maybe 30 minutes) and literally, RAN to the sea otter exhibit. I know you are probably thinking, noooo she probably didn’t really run. Well you would be wrong. Because I did. When I got there, there was already a huge crowd but I pushed my fat ass up to the front right in time to watch them start throwing food to the otters and the otters were doing tricks and it was just all too much. Within 5 minutes of arriving at the exhibit I was crying. THAT right there, is how much I love otters. The literally bring me to tears. So people around me were like staring (whatever, over it) but I would overhear someone say like “Oh my god, otters are so cute, I want one!” and I was like, ummmm no. You don’t get one. You haven’t DEDICATED YOUR LIFE to otters. Are you at this exhibit crying with joy right now? No. Please go away. Anyway, so I stayed there for like 45 minutes before the person working the exhibit started giving me hints it was time to move on. So I wandered around the rest of the aquarium which, honestly it is really cool. Totally recommend it. So I was going through the last room, when what do I find? RIVER OTTERS. I made a sound that cannot be described in words. This was fortunately less crowded, so I spent roughly another 45 minutes watching the 5 precious tiny little river otters play and kiss each other and it was so cute. Again, there were tears. And I took soooo many more pictures of the river otters because they stayed in one place longer than the sea otters did. I kept taking picture after picture after picture until my phone literally just died. I knew then, it was probably time to leave. And also it was like 6 which is when they were closing and I was kind of forced out. Rude.ImageMoral of the longest and most boring story ever, is that I legitimately need to own a pet otter (or 50) because it makes me so incredibly happy. I mean, I always knew I loved otters but as I stood there sobbing I knew, that owning a pet otter was no longer a dream, but a necessity.

**To support the “Kelly Needs a Pet Otter” Fund, please contact me for details. It’s a real charity, I swear.

Nail polish improves work performance….It’s science

This is an actual conversation that I had with my mother.

Me: MOM! This is an emergency! I need to go to Target and I need you to buy me a lot of things!

Mother: laughs Why do I need to buy you things? You’re an adult.

Me: But mother, you see, these are work related expenses. So I shouldn’t have to pay for my work related expenses. Clearly.

Mother: What on earth are these “work expenses” may I ask?

Me: Well I need self tanner, nail polish, hair products, makeup, hand sanitizer and any interesting $5 movies.

Mother: laughs in my face Those are in no way work related.

Me: But they ARE. If I had self tanner, or nail polish or other beauty products I would feel more confident. And if I were more confident, I would not only be happier in the work place but it is practically proven science that confident people get more work done. Also, like, if I get movies I like then I’ll be in a better mood after watching them and I’ll be more pleasant at work! It all makes sense!

Mother: This seems like questionable science….

Me: But don’t you want me to be a confident, strong, young woman?!?!? Is this not important to you?!?!?!?!

Mother: No.

*Update: No one took me to Target. And no one has bought me the random things I want. My life is so sad.

I’m going to apologize before I begin….

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I feel like every blog has a theme. And I stayed up literally almost the whole night last night trying to think, what was MY theme? Ultimately the answer was simple, there is none.

Most people write a blog and it is like relevant to their way of life like healthy eating or exercise or photography which is great! If however, I were to write about my way of life this blog might be called “Nights I Spend Watching Netflix Alone For 7 Hours” or “My Idea of Fun is the Library” or something that would just be far too upsetting for a general audience. So to spare the world of trying to read about my love of young adult fiction and binge watching TV series, I have concluded that as of this moment, I have no theme. Totally up for debate though on that one.

Now when I said I would spare you of the unbelievably uninteresting details of some of my daily activities, what I really meant was that you will definitely read about them. But, as a reward I will also insert some of my more interesting topics and most importantly I can share some of the absolutely insane things that seem to happen to me. I may be one hell of an awkward person, but man it gives me some good stories.

So again, this is not a real post which really is starting me off on a great foot here, but I thought I needed to set the record straight before I just wrote about my homeless event planning or petition to “travel for business purposes” or why I should not ever be allowed to talk to other people ever. Things of that nature might be a little off putting to an unknowing reader!

In conclusion (because I was always taught in elementary school to start my last paragraph with “in conclusion”), I suppose this is a warning. Not like a scary warning, maybe more like an apology? What I write will most often seem senseless or bordering on psychotic but at least I’ll do it with a clear conscience knowing I made it clear that this blog is pointless. So now that we are all on the same page, lets begin.