I am far too involved in not real life….

…..and that is seriously true to probably an unhealthy extent. haha

What I mean by “not real life” is basically TV/movies/BOOKS. Of course there are other forms of not real life, like ‘Fantasy Football’ or those weird video game cults or whatever where boys spend 19 hours a day playing video games. And I think that in all of these fantastical lives we lead separate from ourselves, most people tend to fall into the category that I am in. Far too committed for something that is actually not real life.

So like for example my last post was about books because books are the best ever and I love all the books. I’ve been reading some really excellent books recently and I find myself being seriously emotionally affected by the book I’m reading. So I just finished The Dinner by Herman Koch (another thriller/mystery….I’m really on that train these days!) and after I would read a certain section and have to stop for whatever “real life” thing I was being forced to attend to, I would still be thinking about the book. I was thinking about the characters, I was angry at of them for something they did and I was feeling like I needed to protect this other character…..things of that nature. THESE PEOPLE AREN’T REAL KELLY. But I apparently can NOT separate fiction from reality.

The same goes for TV shows. I just finished House of Cards (which seriously watch that it is so good) and oh my god I felt all those things being thrown viciously at the characters as if they were being thrown at me! So and so just revealed this huge secret about character x? WHAT AM I, Kelly in the real world, GOING TO DO TO TRY AND RECTIFY THIS SITUATION. This is what goes through my head. It’s weird, but I think most people kinda get that way? Correct me if I’m horribly wrong and this is just a personal problem that I should save for sometime when I’m laying on a couch being psychoanalyzed. It is so interesting to me though how we can fall so deeply into this other reality! I want to study this. Can the study involve me just watching Netflix all day and reading all the books ever and wearing my homeless clothes? Ok good, study is on then.

One last thought about this, that I think may prove to be an early sign of sociopathic tendencies (uh oh) is that on a lot of shows I’ve been watching recently there is a clear “bad guy” who you like at first but then over time you are all “Oh. Wow. This person is terrible. There are just secretly pretending they are a good person.” The best example I can think of would be Walter White in Breaking Bad. He starts off this dorky innocent dying teacher and becomes a murderous drug lord. So yeah, I should probably hate him. BUT NO. I keep finding myself STILL feeling sympathy for him. “He did all of it for his family!” “He was protecting Jesse until the very end!” Why do I still like the bad guys so much? I still believe in them! I still believe they are inherently good! But how can I say that as I watch a character push another person in front of a train? Somehow, in my brain, I’m thinking “That was truly awful, but maybe he had to?” What is wrong with me?

So if in 15 years I’m on the news for being a psycho/crazed lunatic, perhaps show them this. I feel like this can’t be a good sign….

Anyone else feel any love for the bad guys? My guess is no. haha

Image

I want this.

Advertisements

Either Obsessed or Ambivalent

Once upon a time there was an acquaintance of mine who seemed to always fall victim to the latest craze. As one trend became popular, she would become enamored and invested to a point which I, at the time, thought was actually crazy. For her it was always like pretty mainstream things like, for instance, The Jonas Brothers or like, I don’t know maybe some popular guilty pleasure TV show like Pretty Little Liars. Whatever, it could be anything really. But I noticed that this particular person would completely absorb themselves into that culture and it became their identity. At the time I just thought she was nuts. Not to say I wasn’t obsessed with stuff myself! I mean, I did every single animal report ever on Otters and if I took a picture of my room right now, over 75% of the things in this room have otters on them. But for some reason it always seemed weird to me that someone could be SO OBSESSED with something for one minute, and then just move on to the next thing that would temporarily take over their lives.

Within the past couple of years though I have noticed a similar trend in myself. Not so much the “going with what’s popular in the moment and then moving on” aspect but in the “PURE OBSESSION” aspect. For me, I don’t just “like” something. I either love it and know everything about it ever, or I really don’t care that much at all. There is barely a middle ground for me. Is that weird? I feel like it is. I feel like most people could be like, “Oh yeah I saw that movie it was good.” and move on with their lives. That person, is not me.

Image

Accurate

Example. This happens a LOT to me with books and TV shows. That’s why I hate the question “What’s your favorite book/TV show/movie/band” because it honestly really depends on the minute. Anyway, so a friend recommended to me that I watch the TV series Orphan Black since I had gotten into the BBC thing with my obsession with Downton Abbey. Within 48 hours I had finished the entire season of Orphan Black, researched like every aspect about it online, and proclaimed it my new favorite show. This cycle would be repeated just last week with Orange is the New Black. Once I “like” something, I need it and I need all of it and I need it NOW.

This is why it is hard for me to understand people sometimes. I am sort of crazy about Harry Potter and so when a new book came out I literally would not move/stop reading until I finished the book (which I can proudly say were all finished within one days time. winner) People would say logical things like “Oh I wanted to savor it, really take my time.” That makes complete logical sense. But like to me, it’s more like… WHAT?!?!? Are you crazy? I can’t get enough! How can I possibly live my life not knowing what happens in the next chapter, or the next??? So I HAVE to read it all in one sitting or I literally will not be able to function.

On the other end of the spectrum, I generally feel like if I don’t really love something, than I could probably care less. Unfortunately as I sit here, immersed in my love for so many random things, I’m having a hard time coming up with a good example of the opposite, however I can recall myself saying “Oh my god I haaaaaatttttteeee that” when in reality it just wasn’t my new favorite thing. Ok its really making me mad that I can’t think of an example right now and it is actually driving me crazy. Crap. Boooooo.

In summation, I think that I used to think I was NOT a typical fan girl because my obsessions were not always the “it thing” of popular culture at the moment, which obviously made ME different. But that’s so not true! I am just as crazy as everyone else! Sure my poison my not be Justin Beiber (um ew) but get me started on my current favorite book and I act like a lunatic! So, to the girl in high school who I couldn’t understand, I apologize. We are no different. She’s actually probably better than me, because when she loves something its probably universally loved. But me, I always go out on a limb for something a little different.